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The boys try various money-making schemes, including putting Baldrick on the game. Sadly, all their efforts are in vain and by the end of the day Blackadder is still broke and facing certain death.

At the eleventh hour, he hatches a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. He hires the finest portrait painter in England, Mr Leonardo Acropolis, to paint the Bishop in a hideously compromising position - with Percy. The blackmail is a huge success, although Percy seems less than thrilled with the whole thing.

				Blackadder: The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd.
				Blackadder: This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War. Baldrick, have you been eating dung again?
				Blackadder: Needs must when the devil vomits into your kettle.
				Nursie: If you weren't quite so big, it would be time for Mr and Mrs Spank to pay a short sharp trip to Bottieland.

				Blackadder meets a mad beggar called "poor Tom" - an idea from King Lear, in which the mad beggar "poor Tom" is actually a sane nobleman called Edgar, in disguise. In a moment of sadness, Percy solemnly says: "For God's sake, let us sit upon the carpet and tell sad stories...". This is a direct quote from Richard II. Scholars of Elizabethan literature will of course know that the poker-up-the-bottom as a mode of execution was not invented by Messrs Curtis and Elton. Edward II was murdered in this disgusting way, and wrote a play about it.

				Test Your Cunning Try the Blackadder series two quiz.

			When people slip in what dogs have left in the streets, they do tend to say, 'Oops, I've trod in an Edmund.'
			Blackadder: The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce?

				Take heed the moral of this tale, Be not a borrower or lender, And if your finances do fail, Make sure your banker's not a bender Blackadder, Blackadder, He trusted in the Church, Blackadder, Blackadder, It left him in the lurch. Blackadder, Blackadder, His life was almost done. Blackadder, Blackadder, Who gives a toss? No-one!