The King
Christmas greetings loyal subjects!There are those who remind us that Christmas is a time for family and for quiet reflection, a time when we consider those less fortunate than ourselves and I say unto such people - shut your fat heads and get into some true festive spirit before I stick my royal boot up your sanctimonious arses! To my mind Christmas is all about unwrapping shed loads of presents and then stuffing one's face full of glorious nosh.
If you think the most contented lives are led by meek, selfless individuals then boo sucks to that. I get exactly what I want, when I want it and I'm so happy I regularly soil myself just thinking about it. If the wife won't let me get my own way, then a sulk and a tantrum usually does the trick and if that fails then the threat of violence always works. This year I've commanded Santa to bring me ALL of the latest games consoles, coupled with the best war simulations available. That's what this time of year is all about.
But Christmas is also a time for being reminded of how absolutely marvellous I am. Previous yuletide festivities have involved vast choirs musically rejoicing at having me as their utterly wonderful King followed by a rambunctious jousting tournament. Times are a little leaner this year, so I'm going to have to make do with Katherine on the karaoke machine doing "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" followed by a few rounds of Twister on the front room carpet, which could be a little fragrant after the Christmas brussels.
Just remember that it's the receiving, not the giving, and it's the being served, not the serving, that makes one thigh-slappingly, French-punchingly glad to be alive!
Hello Henry
Watch the Henry 8.0 Christmas Special on Comedy Extra!
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