It's time to get cracking (jokes)
Why are Christmas cracker jokes so uniformly awful? Who writes them? What are they trying to do?They feel like a missed opportunity: a cracker joke could be so bad it's good. But all too often, after reading a cracker joke during Christmas dinner I am left feeling nothing - absolutely nothing. I become a blank. An empty husk in a paper hat.
So now is your opportunity to show 'em how it should be done. We want to know the worst cracker jokes you have witnessed - and remember, any bad joke can be made even worse with a little over-explanation.
Here are a few to get you started. I've added a useful commentary:
Unfortunate examples
Q. How does a yeti get down the hill?
A. Bi-icycle
A yeti, behind humanoid, could also use a normal bicycle provided that conditions on the hill are not too treacherous.
Q. What do you call a man with no shins?
A. Tony
This may of course be a simple coincidence - see also Micheal Thighfoot.
Q. What's a child's favourite king at Christmas?
A. Stocking
Other contenders include King David, King Herod, King Wenceslas and The Three Kings.
Q.What did the pack of Walkers say to the Skips?
A. Merry Crispmass
"Other brands are available"
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low 'elf' esteem.
With low pay, few prospects and the demeaning and outdated attire they are still forced to endure, this is a serious problem for elves. Spare a thought for them as you unwrap your presents this Christmas.
But I'm sure you can do better.
Send us yours
Ways to send us your bad gags:
- Leave a comment on this post
- Tweet at us
- Use our joke-sending form
- Tell us on
We'll tweet our favourites as they come in and and on Friday we'll compile the the worst into a list of horror that you can print off and read aloud at your next festive social gathering, much to everyone's dismay. So - get cracking!
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