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Women like Maggie and Judy are the very backbone of the place we call Britain. Stalwarts of local womens' organisations and the Conservative Party, it's moral guardians like these who have made Britain what it is today.

But you offend their sense of what is proper at your peril. One hint of a lesbian marmalade and Maggie will project all her disapproval on you. Stand well back.

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PICTURES: Get Maggie and Judy wallpaper »

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Bad Taste

Some of the things that have offended Maggie's delicate constitution:

Lesbian jam, Sanjana Patel's marmalade, Ainsley Harriot's recipe vol-au-vents, mince pies made by the vicar and his partner, Steven, Anisha's gingerbread men, homeless fairy cakes.

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