Remembering The Old Pubs
Down in the Smoke for the Young Folk Award Final, we Northerners huddled round a fire we'd made out of the cheap Swedish chairs in our hotel lounge and had a good old moan.
That's one of the great things about being from the North - when in Londonc city you can have a good old moan about everything - particularly the South.
The main moan last night was about the lousy pubs down here.
Then it struck us that - with a few exceptions - the pubs back home were lousy too, so we had a god old moan about them as well...
Dante had several circles of Hell where he stuck people he particularly disliked -
lawyers, sodomisers and accountants were pretty low down I seem to remember.
With them should go the brewers' ideas men and interior designers.
They are responsible for the death of the Great British Boozer, not the smoking ban.
Some bright brewer's marketing consultant, realising that people drink more standing up,
turned all the pubs into stand-up, lager-drinking joints where people who'd
already drunk a bottle of vodka before they came out, could stand up and drink
alcopops and shout at each other over the Ibiza mix.
Out went the old gaffers with their dominoes and their Jack Russells tied to their
ankles, out went anybody over thirty who didn't want to drink until they
vomited, and out went the banjo and fiddle players because the landlords didn't
want any "diddly diddly music" because people who listened didn't drink fast
enough.
One of the best sessions in Manchester was in a pub near Piccadilly station - one night I watched 17 great musicians playing away like good 'uns from eight until closing.
The next week - nothing.
The musicians had been binned and there were more stools and high tables for
the non-listeners to shout across.
Another good pub ruined by the brewers. It's empty most nights now and will soon be up for sale and/or demolition I guess.
The Great English Boozer was a confessional, a marriage bureau, a burial
club, a care home (not seen old for a few days better go round and see if she's ok) and a place of music and song. I lament their passing. 'Sic transit gloria boozeri' - as Caesar might have said after a few pints of Timothy Taylor's Landlord.
Comment number 1.
At 9th Dec 2008, jasperswife wrote:Brilliant.
Did you once do a sketch about going for a curry late one night after being on the drinK? It was hilarious and was on the radio one sunday afternnon in the early 80's. hope it was you would love to get a transcript or hear it again. Not PC of course!?
would love to hear from anyone who remebers it.
jasperswife
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Comment number 2.
At 10th Dec 2008, Jonathan70 wrote:Didn't you also once do a routine about the way the marketing men have used images of those great, traditional pubs to sell their brands, at the same time as the breweries are closing them down or turning them into the plastic nightmares you described?
Another trend that has badly affected sessions and folk-clubs where I am is the habit of turning tradtional pubs into something more like a bistro or a 'gastro-pub'. Those back rooms and snugs that are ideal for music sessions are too often seen as prime real estate for dining and live music gets the boot once again.
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Comment number 3.
At 10th Dec 2008, Greybeard wrote:I agree with what you say,Mike but the brewers don't deserve all the blame. The demise of British pubs is down to the finance and investment companies who bought pubs but did not have a clue how to run them.
They thought that by filling pubs with lager swilling suits and alcopoppers large profits would follow . How wrong bthey were.
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Comment number 4.
At 10th Dec 2008, Greybeard wrote:I agree with what you say,Mike but the brewers don't deserve all the blame. The demise of British pubs is down to the finance and investment companies who bought pubs but did not have a clue how to run them.
They thought that by filling pubs with lager swilling suits and alcopoppers large profits would follow . How wrong they were.
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Comment number 5.
At 16th Dec 2008, petecockermouth wrote:one (slightly) optimistic note is that the majority of bars that close are the newer, brasher, younger oriented nightmares. there has been a rise of sales in real ale (apparently) and the good pubs we all rely on as islands of sanity in oceans of noisy bad taste are less likely to close. (independent a few weeks back) not to say that some gems haven't gone (the stag's head in camden is now flats. so there is no reason to go back down to london apart from the party at thatcher's funeral) or just gone downhill (-the john o'gaunt in lancaster) i blame all the folk in their 30s, 40s and 50s. we gave up going out, we had friends round , we went online or watched TV instead of going down to the local and supporting live music and making life wothwhile by meeting real people -your pub closes, your community dies and you spend the rest of your life as grazing cattle - moaning about young people in the bars that remain. it doesn't have to be this way -look at the website for the old crown in hesket newmarket, cumbria - and get organised, comrades. cheers!
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