We've all been there. Your toddler has loads of toys but whenever a friend comes over, they only seem to want to play with the toy their friend has chosen.
More often than not, the struggle for sharing results in tantrums and tears. But why does this happen? Why do children struggle with sharing?
We asked child psychologist Dr Claire Halsey and child development researcher Dr Michelle Lowe to share their thoughts. In the short video below, they offer some handy tips on helping children understand sharing.
"Mine".
It'll probably become your child's favourite word! You'll hear "me" and "mine" what feels like a thousand times a day, as they clash with their brother, their sister, and you鈥
It's enough to make you ask, when will I get something of MINE back? Like five minutes peace!
Using 鈥渕e鈥 and 鈥渕ine鈥 is a natural part of your child growing up, From about 16 months, your little one begins to learn some things are theirs, some things aren't, and some things are shared.
From about 2 and a half, they can usually take turns or share. Between 3 and 5, they鈥檙e learning not to totally kick off if someone takes their toy.
So how do you manage the challenges while they get there? Communicate clearly, using words like鈥渟hare鈥 and talk about being 鈥渇air鈥. Explain to your child what鈥檚 theirs and what isn鈥檛. Yes, that鈥檚 your jumper - and that鈥檚 Daddy鈥檚!
Show how to play fairly and make sharing fun, by including it in games like a Teddy Bears鈥 Picnic.
Pretend play is great to show what sharing is. Choose games that involve playing together, instead of competing. Like taking it in turns to roll a ball to each other, talking through your turn, my turn.
Set them good examples by showing what sharing is. Like sharing a snack, or sharing crayons. And keep doing this together and as a family, so they really understand all about sharing.
Now that鈥檚 sorted, time to relax by sharing some ice-cream! One scoop for me, one scoop for me again鈥oh, another scoop into daddy's bowl, how did that happen? Who knows! Got another scoop there? Oh-ho-ho!
When do toddlers learn to share?
From about 16 months, children begin to learn that some things belong to them, some things don鈥檛, and some things are shared with other people.
From about 2 陆 years old, they can usually take turns or share. But it鈥檚 often between the ages of 3 and 5 that they begin to learn to control themselves and not get angry when sharing with others or if someone else takes something of theirs for a moment.
Even at this age, however, some children might still struggle with sharing when their impulses take over. Most 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds put their own needs first, and can get upset when the needs of others get in the way.
Be patient and reward them when they take turns nicely. Try some of the tips below to help encourage young children to share.
Why do toddlers say 鈥榤ine鈥 and 鈥榤e鈥 so much?
When children start to learn about what things belong to them and which don鈥檛, they鈥檒l use these words over and over as they start to make sense of who they are, what it means for something to belong to someone, and what the rules are when it comes to different things.
Tips for encouraging children as they learn to share
1. Communicate clearly, using words like 鈥榮hare鈥 and talk about being 鈥榝air鈥.
- Explain to your child what鈥檚 theirs and what isn鈥檛, for example, 鈥榶es, that鈥檚 your jumper - and that鈥檚 Daddy鈥檚.鈥
2. Show them how to share 鈥 and make it fun!
- Pretend games like teddy bear鈥檚 picnics are great for showing children what sharing is.
- Play turn-taking games with them, like rolling a ball back and forth to one another. As you do this say 鈥榤y turn/your turn鈥.
3. Set good examples.
- As a whole family, try to set good examples like sharing snacks or crayons.
- The more you show them what sharing looks like and are generous with one another, the more they will learn to be generous themselves.
