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Double Whammy
18 July 2002

by Liz Simpson

"So, David, how's poor young Debbie and Mrs Aldridge this morning? Tragic, isn't it?" said Bert, helping David shoo the beasts back into the field after milking.
"Tragic indeed, Bert," replied David. "Mum's over there now to keep an eye on Alice and get things ready for Kate, Nolly and Lucas coming over. As you can imagine, Debbie and Jennifer are still under sedation. It was a huge shock."
"So what exactly happened?" asked Bert.
"Well, Simon had four tickets for a recording of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" in Borchester last night. Apparently it's a funny radio programme, and Simon wanted to do some research into British radio comedy in connection with a research project he's overseeing for some student. Debbie and Jennifer were keen to go, but Simon had a hard job to persuade Brian. Apparently it was only the thought of seeing the lovely Samantha in the flesh that swung it. Anyway, everything was okay until a round called "Sound Charades" where the teams have to describe a well known phrase or saying using only words - it is a radio programme after all," explained David, seeing Bert's puzzlement.
"So what happened then?" asked Bert.
"Well, Barry Cryer said that it was a two word descriptive phrase that could well apply to members of the audience, and said in a funny voice to Graham Garden: "What do you call a man who puts bourbon on his cornflakes?" Just then, Simon started choking on his popcorn, so Debbie went to get some help."
"And then what?" asked Bert.
"Well," said David, "Graham Garden responded with: "And what do you call a farmer who sows wild oats in the barley field?" and Brian had some kind of fit. Debbie came back with the first-aid team to discover both Simon and Brian flat out on the floor, with poor Jennifer in hysterics, and althought they both went to hospital it was too late!"
"Oooh, that is tragic," said Bert. "But there's one thing bothering me - what was the answer to the Sound Charade?"
Oh, that," said David. "It was "cereal adulterer"