‘I moved my ex in for lockdown and it all fell apart’
By Kirsty Drain // Names have been changed for privacy reasons
When Claire’s ex moved into her flat just before lockdown, the relationship progressed quickly but after several weeks doing everything together she began to question just how compatible they really were.
Just before lockdown hit, Claire was looking for someone to rent a spare room in her flat. Her ex, John got in touch to say he was interested and she decided to give the arrangement a try and he quickly moved in.
Ten days later the announcement came that the country was in lockdown and the instructions issued for everyone were crystal clear - stay home.
The two were getting on really well so after discussing their situation, they decided John would stay put for the duration of lockdown.
“You know what it’s like when you’ve just started seeing someone, you’re in that honeymoon phase, you’re really enjoying yourselves and no-one can do any wrong.”
For the first few weeks the couple got on great and quickly fell into a comfortable lockdown routine. “It felt like we were on Love Island on steroids because we were spending all day everyday together. I’d get up in the morning and he’d made me coffee, we went shopping together, we went on our daily jogs. It was really sweet the wee routine we had in place and I really enjoyed it and it felt like it was ours and there was something special there.”
Claire had another flatmate who she had lived with for three years. He was also one of her best friends but he struggled with the new arrangement.
It felt like we were on Love Island on steroids because we were spending all day everyday together.Claire (not her real name)
“Shortly after John moved in he said he wasn’t feeling great about this. He’s such a considerate person. I think he really wanted to give us our own space and it got to the point he didn’t really want to come down and watch telly at night because he didn’t want to intrude as well as feeling like a third wheel.I did my best to manage the situation and make everyone feel comfortable but about 6 weeks into lockdown it became clear that was impossible.”
Claire said it all came to a head when her flatmate came to say he couldn’t stick around. “When my flatmate told me he’d reached breaking point and couldn’t stay with us any more I made the decision to let him thinking I’ve got to give this relationship a go as we’d come so far. I let him go and he went and moved in with our friends.”
When he left Claire initially thought things would improve with John but it quickly became apparent that the two were getting sick of each other.
“In a normal relationship the honeymoon period last a lot longer and it takes time for you to unravel parts of someone’s personality that you actually don’t like It all becomes apparent in the end and you need to make that decision about whether you can work with it or whether it’s going to be a deal breaker. In hindsight there were red flags that I probably ignored because I’d put myself into this situation that was so super intense.”
One night, the couple had an argument and the next morning Claire woke up and John was packing his things to move out the flat. “It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. It was my decision for him to go.”
With time to reflect on the whole experience, she’s confident it was the right move not to continue.
“I think it's for the best. I just think it's funny that I came into this lockdown with a brand new relationship and a flatmate who I got on with really well and now I’m living in lockdown myself. The breakup has been a weird thing in itself. If you've got a group of girl pals they tend to rally round going through this physically alone has been tougher than I think it would be otherwise. I’ve got pals a few streets away that I’d love to go hang out with them, have a few beers, watch a film and just give them a hug and that's been quite tricky.”
On the subject of getting back into dating, Claire said she’s in no rush. “I’m off it, it had been a few years since I’d last had a boyfriend and I forgot how sore it can be when it all falls apart I don't think I’m ready to put myself out there yet.
Especially during lockdown I’m not really keen to go on a socially distant date. "I think going on first dates I can be quite anxious which means I like to go to the pub so I’ll need to wait for them to re-open.”
Despite things ending on a bad note, the couple are still in touch and Claire says she’s torn about whether she’d ever give it another go in better circumstances. “There’s still a part of me that thinks we didn't get a fair chance because of lockdown and because of how intense everything is and it's a conflict in my head that feels unfair. I wonder if things would have been different if he moved in at a different point and him and my flatmate had a chance to get to know each other at a normal pace and we’d had a chance to live at a normal pace.”
