Why we should embrace being average
Like other elite establishments, Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, is known for its excellence. It is also famous for encouraging an exceptional a cappella scene that became part of the inspiration for the hit film Pitch Perfect. But in 2018 a new group arrived on the scene: Mediocre Melodies. And this small group of singers made a huge impact – not by striving for perfection, but by embracing being average.
In Perfectly Mediocre, an episode from the 麻豆社 Radio 4 podcast Sideways, Matthew Syed explores the pitfalls of perfectionism, the potential benefits of embracing mediocrity and why getting comfortable with being ordinary could be a source of true happiness.
The college club embracing mediocre music
Cornell is regularly ranked amongst the top Ivy League universities in the United States. Its alumni are a who’s who of high achievers. When Andrew Greene arrived there, he felt a profound expectation to excel. “Ambition is something that is normally ingrained in a lot of the people at these upper-level colleges,” says Andrew. “I don’t want to disparage Cornell, which is a place that I absolutely love, but to say that it’s not competitive would also be a half-truth.”
And this expectation of excellence wasn’t just about academics. Andrew felt pressure to be perfect permeated a lot of the clubs and societies at Cornell too.
He longed to join in with one of the great musical traditions of American colleges – a cappella. But although he was enthusiastic about music, that didn’t translate into talent. “The a cappella scene at Cornell is a competitive one,” he states. “I knew I was never going to make any of these a cappella groups had I tried out. So, I started playing with the idea of potentially starting my own.”
Andrew came up with the perfect name: Mediocre Melodies.
When he mentioned it to friends, there was a flurry of interest. He founded the club and 30 people showed up. They decided they would convince people to support their mediocre group by donating all their proceeds to local charities. They called it “bad singers for a good cause.”
But the project was met with resistance. When he met with someone influential in the a cappella world, she scoffed at the idea, saying they’d never make enough money to break even, let alone support charities. It took the wind out of his sails. “I went back and I told the group, ‘we’re screwed’”, Andrew recalls.
Why is average such a dirty word?
“Why do we have to be exceptional to get ahead?” asks Dr Thomas Curran, author of The Perfection Trap and assistant professor of psychological and behavioural science at the London School of Economics. He asks, why has ‘average’ become such a “dirty word”?
Socially prescribed perfectionism can have quite profound impacts on our mental health.Dr Thomas Curran
Dr Curran has studied reams of data about university students and perfectionism since 1989 and has found a 40% increase in what’s called socially prescribed perfectionism. “Socially prescribed perfectionism makes us intently hyper-vigilant of how we’re doing relative to other people,” he explains.
We generally don’t see perfectionism as a flaw; we think we need it to be successful. “Actually, when you look at the data,” he says, “you find that perfectionism has absolutely no correlation with success whatsoever.”
In fact, it can have several downsides: “avoidance, holding ourselves back, procrastination.” We can be so afraid of looking less than perfect that we don’t try. Perfectionism isn’t “the secret to success that we often mistake it for.”
And it’s not just about making us inefficient. “Socially prescribed perfectionism can have quite profound impacts on our mental health,” says the expert. Research has shown perfectionism to be related to increased levels of depression, anxiety and burn out.
Striving for perfection can make it harder for you to feel happy
Matthew Syed explains how this resistance to the mediocre, which Andrew faced when setting up his average a cappella group, is seen all across the business world too. Employers often state they’ll accept “nothing less than perfection” from their team, or “only the best will do.” It sounds good on paper but ignores the fact that getting better at stuff involves making mistakes, and if we’re so focused on perfection our brains can lose all sense of fun and creativity.
“If you’re obsessed with the pursuit of what you perceive to be perfection, then there is a massive downside to that,” says Dr Leonaura Rhodes, a life coach who originally trained in neuroscience.
Perfectionists will get a huge hit of dopamine when performing well – but getting such peaks of dopamine from one source makes it very hard to get it from others, she explains. Your brain will only release dopamine when you’re achieving at an exceptional level, so if you want that feel-good chemical you need to keep bettering that level. “It robs people of the ability to be present and to be happy and to feel peaceful,” says Dr Rhodes. “It’s just this constant striving.”
Being mediocre may help your brain stay healthy
When you’re trying new things, you’re not expecting to be good at them. This novelty can have a positive influence on brain health.
Doing things that you鈥檙e mediocre at is a great investment in your future brain health.Dr Leonaura Rhodes
“When we learn something new, our brain has this incredible ability to form neural connections and this is called neuroplasticity,” explains Dr Rhodes. If we only do the same things every day we’ll have very little neuroplasticity, and this isn’t good for us – especially as we age. Spending time learning new things, and doing things that you’re mediocre at, is a great investment in your future brain health.
We could measure success with wellbeing, not economics
Dr Curran argues that perfectionism is rooted deep in our economic systems: our economies grow through consumption and, in order for us to consume, we need to feel like there are things we need. He says these feelings are conditioned into us through advertising; “through a sense that there’s a product or a material solution to the things we think we lack.”
He believes to combat this we have to stop measuring success through money. What about wellbeing and happiness instead? Can we create economies in which people flourish and life expectancy rises? These things are just as big markers of success as GDP, he argues.
Accept that there are things you can’t control
As individuals, one strategy for tackling perfectionism that Dr Curran proposes is “radical acceptance”. “Radical acceptance is really accepting that there are limits to the things that we can control,” he says. He uses the analogy of a sailing boat. On the days when it’s windy, you can travel for hours. On others, you’re just sitting floating. And on some, you set sail in one direction but will be pushed off course.
It’s not about the destination, it’s the journey that matters. “The journey means pushing ourselves out there; the journey means being brave, being vulnerable, and that’s OK,” he says.
Embracing mediocrity might help you find joy
Andrew Greene was brave. He didn’t give up in his quest to set up a mediocre a cappella group when it was met with resistance. He was spurred on, determined to make money from their first concert and prove the doubters wrong.
Over 300 audience members showed up, and when the group belted out their first song - “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen - it was met with rapturous applause. Mediocre Melodies fast became an institution within the Cornell student population.
Maggie Meister is the group’s first female president. For the fourth-year student, embracing being mediocre in her singing has been transformational: “No one tries to strive for that perfection and it’s just such an uplifting environment where I really feel like I can be my true self.”
Focusing not on perfection but comradery and fun has allowed the members of the group to express themselves freely. They are not constrained by socially prescribed perfectionism – they are just aiming to find joy.
“The tragedy in life is not to fail,” says Matthew, “the tragedy is not to live.” Embracing being a bit less perfect, a little more average, might just help us all to live our very best lives.
More from Sideways
-
Listen to Perfectly Mediocre
They say practice makes perfect, but is perfection really what we should be aiming for?
-
Why are our first loves so unforgettable?
Matthew Syed finds out why our first loves can hold a special place in our hearts.
-
Listen to Copy Cat
Matthew Syed hears from a painter who rose to fame by copying the works of others.
-
Is it time to embrace your inner villain?
Do you think you're too nice and could it be holding you back?