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Posted by crouchee (U13371975) on Monday, 7th March 2011
I am leaving my husband. Has anyone divorced their spouse because they hated gardening, or because they wouldn't help you garden?
I haven't married. I can't trust anyone in my garden.LOL!
My OH wouldn't dare even comment on my garden! It's more than his life's worth. It's MY garden.
If he hates gardening I would think you are better off without him helping you. What do you hate that he loves? Would you help him with that? If not would he divorce you? Seems a bit extreme.
Crouchee I know how you feel.
My OH and I almost came to blows this weekend planting an orchard. I was putting them in and he was diggin them out because they weren't "in the row" some of them, I kid you not were 6 inches out! I was driven to distraction. I'd turn around and he'd be there behind me "repositioning" them so the trunks were exactly 5m in a grid away from each other. I honestly was ready to throttle him by the end of it!
I eventually threw the spade down in a petulent child style move and went, "Fine, do it yourself then!" and went off to plant the early potatoes.
By the time he realises I didn't measure their spacing it'll be too late! Hee hee
I used to want mine to help - but then he got ideas.
I just really want him for a bit of muscle!
Ah, love is blind. "Enjoys Gardening" should have been on your job spec for a husband.
If I get the chance again (god forbid that I ever want to!) I shall add "doesn't just talk about DIY but actually gets on with something"!
Only joking. Maybe you could encourage your other half to do something else useful while you do the gardening. Paint the lounge, wallpaper the bedroom, get up the ladder and clean the upstairs windows and clean out the gutter. Poke gunge out of the bathroom sink plughole. He'll soon start to find gardening an attractive passtime.
.................I am leaving my husband. Has anyone divorced their spouse because they hated gardening, or because they wouldn't help you garden?.................
Leave him, because your pumpkins deserve respect.
I would be more likely to divorce someone for interfering too much in the garden....
Didn't he once help by spraying activator over your compost heap?
dwarfbean
And what 'activater' was that Dwarfbean?!
, in reply to message 11.
Posted by greenfingers_not (U14808310) on Tuesday, 8th March 2011
Please don't divorce him Crouchee. He may come in useful one day.
My OH didn't want me to get allotment, he thought it would take up too much time. But now he is planning what we can do and offering to help. I am glad as I can't do it all on my own. They do have their uses, although I know what you mean about the measuring Vixxihibiscus, mine also likes straight lines and my potatoes were a little wonky last year. Never mind it's my allotment, might have waving lines of runner beans this year.
threw the spade down in a petulent child style move and went, "Fine, do it yourself then!" Ìý
That must be true love in the orchard, but Joe sometimes comes up with the best answer and this is no exception!
Leave him, because your pumpkins deserve respectÌý
How about leaving him because he won't talk to the fruit trees or even because he will not provide "nitrogenous matter" to the spring onions? (or because he WILL inspist on it!
not that extreme a solution to 10 years of alcohol fuelled mood swings. I could share his hobbies of staying in pubs for 6 hours, shooting rabbits with air rifles or sleeping in chairs but they hold little appeal. These are apparently more fun than being with a tired wife.
No sign of usefulness for the last decade unless he has an audience of many, he gets stressed by exertion.
He says if I had finished laying the patio, pointing the walls, and replacing all the architraves, kept the children in order and earned lots of money we wouldn't be having problems. He says all I have to do is organise my schedule properly.
I could share his hobbies of staying in pubs for 6 hoursÌý
Then you could have twice the nitrogonous matter for the garden, but it would be surprising if you did not waste a certain amount at the pub.
Generally women are not as keen on that form of garden fertilizer, which is understandable, but I am considering training my other half.
Not really about gardening is it but, in saying that, I think I understand fully what it's all about.
I would follow the instincts of your first post. Never going to be any different. IMOH that is.
Oh Crouchee - I thought you were joking in your first post - but it seems you are really having a bad time
many good wishes.
x
Apologies to all for my ranting, that was me having a turn at the alcohol fuelled mood swings!
....and breathe.....
Spring is here!
The daffodils are out!
I get custody of the agapanthus collection
And the hosta collection
And he doesn't even know I have a snowdrop collection!
Teach him also to swing his hips to reach into the corners! This also limbers the lower back after digging
Oh Crouchee, big hug . J.
Crouchee - join TAPs - there's lots of love and sensible support there
x
, in reply to message 15.
Posted by abbotsmillmo (U13936954) on Thursday, 10th March 2011
Dear crouchee,
Im sorry, now I realise this is for real.I can only offer kind thoughts, I dont know what else I can do....Lots of hugs.xx
Hi Crouchee,
It may not seem like it at the moment but everything will be OK.
My thoughts are with you xxx
Don't know how you lasted this long, tbh....
Jump in the car any time you like and come up here for a bit of horticultural immersion therapy
, in reply to message 25.
Posted by greenfingers_not (U14808310) on Thursday, 10th March 2011
I too thought you were joking when I posted my response. Never been in that sort of position but, you have my full sympathy and a hug from me across the miles.
Keep looking at the snowdrops, they may bring a little pleasure during the dark moments
hi crouchee. im no marriage councillor, but i sympathise with you, It is frustrating trying to achieve what you desire on your own. i have similar issues. but there must be other issues in your relationship for you to feel this way. my partner gives no input either. im after a gardening partner so feel free to chat any time.
, in reply to message 1.
Posted by Vixxihibiscus (U13865184) on Saturday, 12th March 2011
Hello Crouchee,
I'm so sad for you and so sorry for my comments above, I didn't realise. Be strong and use your love of gardening to give you a positive focus in the tough times ahead. Things can only get better!
Big Hugs,
Vixxihibiscus
I'm delighted that my OH isn't interested in gardening. He does mow the lawn (but can't see the edges) and is appreciative of what I do. My sympathies Crouchee, I'd hate someone going round behind me!!
who is funding the gardening?
someone who has a high stress job may not think gardening is something they want to do in their precious free time? vegging out in front of the football with a pizza might suit them better? [think Jerry in The Good Life]
Thanks Trillium, I can feel a summer road trip coming on! I need to find a garden with a house attached first.
Me.
Actually plant and flower sales exceeded costs, and home grwon veggies frequently featured on the menu.
I have to give up my veggie field because the land agent got funny about me borrowing the land from the farmer, subletting and all that. Maybe it was God's way of telling me to move on.
Hi stressed job? Sitting in a camera van wondering whether to ping speeding motorists or not? Boring, yes. Repetitive, yes. Stressy, no.
Juggling 14 design projects, customer advice, consultations, 2 kids, house, aged mother, dog, school runs isn't stressful of course, it's just normal life?
Sorry, getting off topic again. To hell with whether new accommodation has three good sized bedrooms, does it have a good sized garden? That eliminates almost every house built in the last 20 years. Google Earth is such a help.
Thanks chippyphil, and all others wishing me well. Your support means such a lot to me. xxx and big hugs.
Crouchee
There are lots of people out there who will give you the support you need, believe me. Have been there, got the T shirt and I know it's got nothing to do with help in the garden. A bit of support is what you need.
Sorry if I am overstepping the mark.
34
i'm sensing this anger is more than just about gardening?
34
i'm sensing this anger is more than just about gardening? Ìý
oooh you are so right!
Do we garden most energetically when we are miserable and frustrated or when we are happy and fulfilled?
I reckon I do both!
Crouchee
There are lots of people out there who will give you the support you need, believe me. Have been there, got the T shirt and I know it's got nothing to do with help in the garden. A bit of support is what you need.
Sorry if I am overstepping the mark.Ìý
Thanks Kit, marks should always be crossed!
Do we garden most energetically when we are miserable and frustrated or when we are happy and fulfilled?Ìý
It's what it does to you emotionally, not how you are when you start..
Extremes of cold as we have had in the last two winters are miserable; heavy rain is only tolerable on a bike or in the garden, if you have got heavy work to do, so that it steams off instantly!
You always have to plan one job in the garden before you go out there. One task leads to another if you are enjoying it. If not you do the one thing, and give up!
My OH is a reluctant labourer in the garden but does eventually get on and do heavy jobs I can no longer manage. On the other hand, sometimes he decides to weed a bed for me but it's a blitzkrieg style he has so I have the most expensive compost heaps in Belgium as he pulls up treasures too - so much quicker than discriminatingbetween the creeping buttercup, thistles, nettles, couch grass and the real goodies. Last autumn he tidied up my Kifstgate without asking first so all this year's flowering stems have gone. I could cheerfully flatten him sometimes but he does have redeeming qualities.
I can quite see why you're feeling angry and frustrated Crouchee and I think you've reached the point where you need to go before you implode. I wish you all the best and hope you'll find a garden with a house so you can keep your collections and maybe start some more. Good luck.
, in reply to message 41.
This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the in some way.
Gardda, you are really, really off the mark here. Your remarks are very inappropriate.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do crouchee, divorce is horrible but sometimes for the best x
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