麻豆社

Q: Please give us a potted history of your life so far...

Too poor to be born, Carol was stolen from a charity shop by a small boy called Tony whose mother was looking for a knitting pattern for a hamster as she'd got some wool left over from the war. Carol hails from Doncaster, but from all other places she speaks quite normally, and after a varied career taking in fog-knitting, sawdust-plaiting and treacle-weaving, she has finally found an institution where she is happy - the 麻豆社.

Q: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Rich! I remember telling my mum I'd buy her a red sports car and a swimming pool when I'd made a fortune. You can see what a misguided child I was - she couldn't drive and she couldn't swim!

Q: What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

I was on my way to school and I had to run for the bus.听 Unfortunately my stomach decided that running so soon after breakfast was not the best course of action and two minutes into the bus ride I threw up.听 It hit the screen in front of me like a leather football on a muddy pitch and splattered over quite a wide area.听 I was so shocked by what I'd done I couldn't even say sorry to the bus conductor.听

Q: What's the worst job you've ever had?

I thought that working for HM Inspectorate of Mines as a canary tester was bad enough - being a thousand feet underground surrounded by bird seed - but then I worked as a systems analyst for a local council.

Q:听 Do you have a catchphrase?

No. Plenty of words and phrases that I should stop repeating, but no catchphrase. Absolutely. Indeed. Lovely.

Q: What was the first record you ever bought?

Single: Your Song by Elton John. It cost me 8 shillings from Peter Hall's record stall on Doncaster Market.
LP: Taproot Manuscript by Neil Diamond.

Q: What's your favourite food?

Too numerous to mention. British, Italian, Indian, Chinese... and I do seem to get through an awful lot of tinned salmon!

Q: When Hollywood comes calling, who'll play you?

Jane Horrocks or Julie Walters.

Q: In a fire, what would you rescue first?

Several photo albums and two unpublished novels.听

Q: What do you do to relax?

Read, write and laugh.