Elvis McGonagall
Elvis McGonagall - poet, twit and armchair revolutionary does the rhyming this week.
Find out more about Elvis on his .
Flying The Flag (For You 鈥 The British People)
Friends, Gordon, Countrymen
Let me simply say this to you
It鈥檚 been ten years of blood, sweat and tears
But, putting that to one side, 鈥榗os hey, look, y鈥檏now
I tried to do the right thing with every decision
And so I leave you my glorious legacy
Yes. Scooch will win Eurovision
A Bit Of A Bash
It used to be pass-the-parcel and musical chairs
Jelly and ice-cream
Now pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey
Is but a distant, innocent dream
Tonight鈥檚 an alcopop punk teenage rampage
It鈥檚 no elegant, swellegant soiree
It鈥檚 PBAB 鈥 Please Bring A Barbarian
Where canap茅s are simply outre
It鈥檚 a horde of hooch hoodlums in hoodies
And they don鈥檛 drink dandelion 鈥榥 burdock
And your space is suddenly everyone鈥檚 space
Thanks to mySpace and Mr Murdoch
And the vanguard of vandals and visigoths
Swing from the chandeliers
It ain鈥檛 Belgravia behaviour
It鈥檚 all going to end in tears
They burn antimacassars, defenestrate plates
Pandemonium鈥檚 reign has begun
Stomping stilettos through Tintorettos
They鈥檙e worse than Attila the Hun
In an orgy of havoc and plunder
The mob run amok and they mosh
They鈥檙e sponsored by Caligula
And designed by Hieronymous Bosch
No, it鈥檚 certainly not been 鈥渕arvellous鈥
You couldn鈥檛 have liked it less
Surveying the smouldering wreckage
The Gadarene Swine would consider a mess
But just tell yourself it might all have been worse
As the last dregs make their departure
It could have been but it wasn鈥檛 the party from hell -
Krug, Shepherd鈥檚 Pie, Jeffrey Archer
An Englishman鈥檚 Second Home Is His Castle In Spain
In Blighty鈥檚 land of milk and honey
A pied-a-terre is de rigueur
A bijou bolthole by the beach
Or a gite in Provence Monsieur
Oh a rural retreat sounds oh so sweet
A treat that would benefit us all
So 鈥 鈥淪econd Homes For Second-Class Citizens鈥
Let that be the clarion call
A second hovel for a peasant in Notting Hill
Next door to Nigella
A second cardboard box in The Cotswolds
For the stressed 鈥淏ig Issue鈥 seller
But why stop there? Let鈥檚 have three, four, five
A Tuscan villa and a shanty in Shanghai
And on a Sunday afternoon every second week in June
You can find us at our palace in Versailles
On May Day it鈥檚 our Padstow pad
If it鈥檚 Easter it鈥檚 Ostend
Driving round and round the M25
Surely one day it鈥檚 all going to end?
With a boom-bang-a-bang that鈥檚 not Lulu
But the drum-beat of recession
Here鈥檚 Kirsty 鈥榥 Phil with the price crash show -
鈥淩epossession, Repossession, Repossession鈥
I can't wait to obtain the poem on teenage parties. I'm sure my teenage daughter will find it funny and very close to the truth!
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