Paper Monitor
11:52 UK time, Wednesday, 7 February 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Sometimes a story is so exciting that one's brain can somewhat over-egg an already custardy pudding.
On turning to page three of the Times - traditionally a repository for tales of unexpected human frailty - Paper Monitor was overcome with excitement to read the headline: "MOONSTRUCK ASTRONAUT'S MISSION IMPROBABLE TO MURDER HER RIVAL". But wait, it gets even better, with the subheads "950-mile trip was made in nappies" and "shuttle pilot the object of her desire".
Paper Monitor was so aerated after this embarrassment of riches that its quick glance at the accompanying factbox mistakenly rendered it as "450: the number of men who have been murdered in space". Crickey! Oh... it was an early-morning imagination that added the "murdered" bit.
Still, it's the story that has everything. A love triangle. In space [well, among Nasa staff]. Adult nappies. Pepper spray. And a chick in shackles. Which leads to only one question - what does the Daily Star make of it all? Sadly, Paper Monitor's copy has been filched, so we'll never know.
The Daily Express, meanwhile, splashes with the weather: "7 INCHES OF SNOW TO PARALYSE BRITAIN". Whew, what a relief. On the paper's past form - it predicted August would be even hotter than last summer's scorching July... and it wasn't - that means there'll be a light dusting. Which, come to think of it, will still paralyse the UK.
Perhaps the weather is the paper's replacement for Diana, who has been notable for her absence from its pages. Paper Monitor spied the Express's new ad on telly last night. No more blonde head on its mock-up front page; instead there's a headline about inheritance tax. The times they are a changing...
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