Those Ugly Scenes At The Big Match
I was listening to our commentary team at the Inverness-St Mirren game but, to be frank, they missed the big story. Sure we got a ball-by-ball description of the actual game and, yes, they captured all the drama of this thrilling, goal-less battle for ninth place in the Scottish Premier League. But they didn't tell you about the ugly scenes off the pitch.
I was there, however, and it's time you knew the truth.
For starters, there was too much drink taken by fans...mainly Bovril and fizzy cola – and there was anger at the snack bar (openly huffy faces and pouting) when, just after half-time, a small red-headed boy bought the last macaroni pie.
I personally witnessed the obscene spectacle of the club mascot Nessie wandering around the ground with his baggy trousers slipping down his waist, exposing his green furry nether regions to small children.
As the sun shined it was obvious that some of the younger fans would fall victim to the temptations of the ice cream van. I saw three teenage girls return to their seats, high on vanilla flavouring and with hands dripping with raspberry sauce.
An upset was on the cards, albeit a stomach upset.
I tell you, this heady cocktail of sunshine, fun, food and football is only fit for families.
If only other clubs could be like this.
