IT'S MASSIVE, THE BIGGEST EVER BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT.
Someone for the first time in history has entrusted me with...
... a secret.
It's never happened to me before. I feel honoured, proud almost.
But what's the deal with secrets ?
Why do people tell them to you? It sort of doesn't make sense. Why tell anyone iIf not everyone?
Or perhaps, is it a test of your friendship, them trying to find out whether you're the type to spill the beans or not.
Well whatever the science behind the secret, I have one and there it is.
Now, I'll just sit here and think about it.
CLP.
2008.
X.
Comments
Hi Chris,
OOh a big secret,wander what that could be? Secrets can get you into all sorts of trouble, especially when you think that it isn't a secret anymore and let someone else know only to find out that it should still be a secret,Doh.
Good luck with the 'dry month' I did it for 6 weeks last Jan for the first time and felt great. Seriously thought my internal organs needed a break. The best thing is the sleep, I had good proper, real sleep it's lovely.
I have done it again this year and again felt great, although last week went to London for a night out at a smart restaraunt and had a few glasses of wine and a few gin and tonics and came up in a big alco-rash!!! Please don't tell me I am now allergic to it. I am out for a meal this evening so will have to sink a few glasses of wine to make sure I havn't developed an allergy.
I'm sure I will be able to drink my way through it if I have,ha ha.
Kate
Just want to know what your secret is now!!
looking forward to show
xx
Pssst. Christoff.
Don't underestimate the compliment paid to you and the privilege that is the sharing of a secret. Betray it at your peril. When you break a friend's confidence you can forget the superglue. You'll always and forever see the join.
Therefore I have perfected the art of deleting any information given to me In Confidence, and the Gestapo couldn't drag it out of me. Trouble is, once I've deleted it I can't remember for the life of me what it was.
Now where did I put them tickets to go see Ken Dodd as Renee's Mothers' Day surprise. Ah no I think I swallyed 'em. Jaysus I hope I see 'em again before Monday.
Clodagh.xx
cmon chris
lets us all in on it mate !!
Don`t you just hate it when someone tells you they know something but cant say what it is !!
Why flippin tell us in the first place ??
Yo Dudes, dudettes, Big Chief CLP - guess what arrived yesterday: ANCIENT SECRET OF THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH by Peter Kelder, Amazon, 9 quid delivered.
Anyways, started reading it last night - what a laugh, revalation, fascination - the strangest, most amazing claims eminating from it's recommendees - holy GG's - if you can, give it a go.
Basically, anyone who has done a basic starter class in Yoga can cope with this - its worth a try - my only concern for the old Big Chief is to abstain from the sins of the flesh for defined periods - not easy when you're putting peas in the jar . . .
The other main point that grabbed me last night, on first read, was the diet aspect. It seems to recommend a one-food meal - ie if you're having potatoes/spuds for dinner, JUST HAVE SPUDS - nothing else - it claims mixed food meals with various proteins and flavours slow down the digestion process and therefore the potential for weight loss and toning.
Exercise-wise, the focus is on 5 different yogic exercises which you must repeat at least once-a-day, EVERY day. (It should, after practice take around 10 min in total, daily)
This , I think, is the hardest part, for us committment-phobes. But, sure, what the hell, I really want to lose a stone-and-a-half and if this does it, I'll hunt all the bloggers down and kiss them delicately, one-by-one, on the rosey cheek.
I need to re-read the book over the weekend to assess the allowance for alcohol - I'm not really expecting a good result - whens the last time you had a massive session with a buddist in a bar . . ?
So, for anyone who fancies a project of seemingly incredible personal potential - lets go here - CLP I think is giving it a go, so why not . . .
DtM xx
have a great weekend, everyone.
Oh dear one and all
I don't seem able to blog so I am just trying again in and between checking my Ebay items. Now I hear even Paul Daniels has been reduced to selling Debbie's old clothes on Ebay., so I don't feel too bad. However already been ripped off by a shark. I think it should be renamed Del's Boy's Beach Bar.
Anyway least I have been having a laugh at Clodagh's and Bingo's posts. Also wondering what MFR speech was on? As for secrets I have a few that I would never tell. Mainly becuase nobody would believe me!
Toodle oo
Could the secret be that you, your wife and darling Beth are to feature on the front cover of Dogs Today magazine's new edition - not out until next week?
I told you in the accompanying letter that I was sending you our only printer's advance copy of the magazine - but I honestly wasn't expecting this degree of embargo! We're not Hello after all (more of an OK9 I guess!)
Pats to the dogs
Beverley and the Dogs Today team
Let me guess. You`ve had a w!lly extention?
Hi CLP and all that contribute/read this blog
2 Things to say - 1 never felt the need to write until now.
2 - Is writing blogs (or replying to them) like buses???
Nothing for ages, then 2 come along at once?
1st thing - I can't believe you have NEVER heard David Bowie's 5 years before (a classic in my book if ever there was one).
2nd thing - Secrets. Think about it this way - If somone gave you something and told you that they trust you to look after it for them, would you let them down?
I think not. I wouldn't.
I would look after that thing, whatever it was.
If it was a secret, I would look after it even more than something that I could be forgiven for breaking. i.e. I would take it to the grave with me.
Feel like I'm rambling (or waffling) now - maybe I am ? ? ?
Best wishes to all who contribute,
Nutmeg.
That is the most annoying blog ever posted!!!!! It says so much but actually nothing at all!!
paddy o'laferty.
Yous awful eejit. If CLP had had a willy extension it wouldn't be a secret. It'd be out an' wavin' at every opportunity for the world to see bless 'im.
Anyway happy, happy Mothers' Day to all yous girls roundin' up the ankle-biters this morning. I hope they haven't all been out spending fortunes on exhorbitantly priced greetings cards or flowers, nor poisoned you with raw egg and creosote on toast.
The best ever Mothers' Day gift I ever received was after our one pound cap on gifts, when the daughter dived into my bed and presented me with a mouldy bunch of dandelions, a card made from A4 foolscap depicting the ugliest portrait of meself smiling maniacally with a gob like Highgate cemetery and googly crossed eyes at the top of me head, and one coffee truffle. At 6am.
She was 26 at the time. Haha no, no, she was six and the cutest little toffee-eyed blonde dynamo that ever there was. It was the strangest sight to see her in her favourite pink dress with the neighbourhood's nine-year old bully in a headlock and a half-nelson, crying for his mother after he shut the cat in the boot of his three-wheeler. Ha. Wigan Bird, see.
She still dives into the bed to this day. Except now it's to break wind and hold me under the covers.
It's not respectful, that, is it.
Any road I'd best get a shake on, we're taking Renee up to the South Lakes for the day, where she can remenisce about all the caravan holidays we spent in Silverdale, both when our girls were small and when, indeed, we were. Oh what joy. Of course, when as the Nans, she and the dear departed and greatly missed Aunty Dot used to take our three girls, they did have running water and electricity in the 6-berth caravan; when the sister and I were little it was the outside communal toilet and shower, avoiding the cubicle with the hole bored in it by the local pervo, and a 3-mile hike for a bucket of water, avoidin' any ruttin' rams. But what unbridled bliss it was watching the Dear Departed Father Eric usin' up all 'is Swan Vestas tryin' to light the gas lamps before Renee realised she hadn't turned the gas on.
Having realised her error, she then turned it full on and BOOM! Eric hadn't an eyebrow or an eyelash to call his own and spent the next 6 weeks lookin' a ringer for Queen Elizabeth 1.
Happy days.
Clodagh.xx
secrets eh?...
..I think we've all got them, or looking after one for someone?
Well Friday night was BRILLIANT! Alicia Keys was superb. 2 hours of non-stop performing and boy was she the business. Not only that but the support act was Soul II Soul which just topped the night for me as they're one of my favourite bands and bring me a million happy memories when I hear their music. It was the original line up too, bloomin' brilliant I was bowled over when they were introduced.
The O2 Arena is great.
Whatever the right or wrong reasons for building it in the first place, it has now been grabbed by the short & curlies and transformed into a great place for holding concerts.
Had a lovely time in London with MrsW the next day, really enjoy walking around the capital and all it's shops.
Bonnet de douche
KWx
Awight CLP & ALL Blog Operatatives,
Bingo Star ere.
CLP - Could the secret be a stomach???
I 'ope not, I thought your gym work & diet 'as been going most well in all areas & 'opefully of your friends!
I 'ad a secret recently & it was my stomach.... it was massive, the biggest ever & kept well 'idden - am tellin' yer!!!!
But i'm presently on what I call the Ukrainian forward preparation diet!!!!
And am glad ter say it's going very, very operationally well blog friends, going well!!
While am on ere i'm feeling a little extra 'motional terdee, yes a little 'motional as it's a special day terdee.... a day for giving, a day for thanks, for reflection, especially if yer near a mirror, a day for realising the reasons for..... being grounded, of.... being told off..... but all in all this, a day, yes a day, of remembering 'ow one was unselfishly cared for..... of 'aving yer nappy changed when yer were too young ter get wheel clamped, aka a day of appreciation of...... parentness guidance & love...... aka Mother's Day!!!!
I'd just like ter say ter ALL 'BIG APPY MOTHER'S DAY GREETINGS'!!!!
Yes I did say 'ALL', even ter anyone who isn't a mother, as I feel this special day should be made extra special ter everyone, yes extra special blog friends..... that's why i've bought terdee a mother's day card for everybody I know, even my father!!!!!!
I'm sorry but ave goot ter go now & get a man size tissue...........................................
Chow!
Evening each
Well, had a great mother's day. All of my 3 came up trumps. Either a phone call from Bangor, flowers from the little'un or a home-made dinner from the daughter. Great day.
My secret: Got tickets for Alabama 3 in Newcastle in April. Even if Radio 2 will not play them, I'm going to see them with all my good friends. Fabby!.
Anne x
Hello Chris et al
It's been a while since I had any secrets, and I have no intention of keeping any ever again, especially from my wife, who once showed her displeasure at finding out I had accidentally spent all our savings on some textbooks I needed by banishing me to a local manor house in the role of 'gardener' - a place where, I might add, I nearly became the victim of a cult, and only escaped by exploiting the slimmest of upsets to their sacrificial ceremony.
Let my misfortune be a lesson to you all...
cheers
Joseph
Hi all,
Hope all you mums had a great day, I went out with my gorgeous boys to Pizza Express and then had a wander round Norwich Cathedral, haven't been for years, what a beautiful building.
So glad Alicia Keys was good Gingembre, she is such a talented lady and lucky you getting to see Soul II Soul as well! Did they do Keep on Moving? That was the theme tune of my first ever holiday without my parents in Sidari, Corfu with my lovely friend Nadine, back in 1989!! OMG nearly 20 years ago! I am feeling ancient at the moment and dreading turning 40. Don't know whether to hide away til it's over or celebrate the fact that I'm over the hill!
Just seen that James Blunt is touring again later in the year. I know some of you probably arent keen, but I think he's a laid-back guy with a great attitude to life and a real talent for writing songs. I have torn the page out of the Sunday Times and I left it on hubby's side of the bed, so hopefully he'll treat us to tickets in this, my 40th year (see, I can use my age to get what I want!). Also I quite fancy a trip on the Orient Express, has anyone been?
Finally, Gingembre and Missy - where's a good venue for a party in Norwich?
Take care everyone,
Em xx
God, I'm DYING to know what the secret is. I am a terrible gossip - it's not something I'm proud of but I really cannot help it. A guilty pleasure, I think.
Bought myself a gorgeous new birthday frock at the weekend. I treat myself to a new dress at every birthday and have done since I was 17 so that means I have...ooh, wouldn't you like to kow how many dresses I have!
Rosie x
Ello CLP & ALL,
Bingo Star ere.
Gingembre - Glad you liked the Alicia Keys. I like 'er music too... she's very, very talented!!!
Em M - I don't know of anywhere in Norwich but Alan Partridge might know..... AHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..... knowing me..... knowing a good party venue!!!!
Clodagh - Sounds like a wild time up in Silverdale.... reminds me of the time I was cooking baked beans on me stove in me truck while unloading 30,000litres of 'ighly flammable methanol outta me tanker inter the tanks BP at Brunsfield - nothing ter do with me though the expolsion there..... 'onest!!!
CLP & ALL - Yer know ave been about when are these damn electric cars going ter come on mass sale if global warming's so bad.
Well the Electric Smart car that ave been on about as being very practical - they've got it on 5th Gear ternite on Channel 5... 8pm!!!!!
Check it out if yer wanter go green & save 'uge fuel costs!!!!
I've read there not selling them until 2010 which is plainly damn ridiculousif global warming iz so urgent - maybe as it's on 5thGear, they are putting it on sale soon after all!!!
I think it does 70mph & about a 200mile charging range!!!
'ope this 'elps!!!!
Chow!
Me again,
PS - I told yer last week me stockmarket charts were giving me new downtrend signals even though the experts say all will be dandy & guten..... I see the Dow went down 315 Fri & the FTSE 100 iz going down again terdee.....
Chow!
Oh I love a secret. I always ending up telling my mum it as she won't tell a soul and will forget it!
I feel really bad about not being on here recently the problem is when I'm in lowestoft the fella has no computer at the moment, so tomorrow when I go there I am going to join their libary so I can use their Internet service, so you will see me on here more, I promise!
I hope all you mums had a wonderful day yesterday and were able to chill out! xx
Hi Christoph,
I wonder if BP is expecting?
Steve
Eurovision one and all
Did you see it? Another losing song wins again. Least the East enders ex didn't win. I thought she was going to start Limbo dancing at any moment.
Nice to see Mc Crumble. The boys are back in town.
Bingo, have you got any petrol going cheap?
Clodagh Caravans can be fun I am told. But why spend a holiday living like a refugee it don't appeal to me.
Prof. Plum.
I'll tell you a secret. It's because it's damn funny. There is nothing quite so hilarious as the retrospective discomfort of one's childhood spent with a family who didn't have 2 halfpennies to rub together but had big aspirations.
Surely you must have such reflections; if you're anything like my age you must have owned a swimsuit knitted by your aunty which felt like wearing a sea-urchin inside out and which grew alarmingly the moment it hit water, leaving you to emerge from the sea like Ursula Undress with a high fever.
Perhaps you amused yourself by fashioning a walky-talky with 2 tin-cans joined together with a piece of string. In the days before humane tin-openers. Nearly cut me ear right off with the jagged edge of me spaghetti tin whilst perched atop a tree with me best friend Pam screechin' "Can You 'Ear Me Yet?" from another. And then got a right clip round me remaining healthy ear when I showed me mother the injury.
Or maybe you organised a Fete, creating tents from all the sleeping bags and deckchairs during a rainstorm. Again, ears were clipped.
You see. Marvellous fun. Character-forming stuff.
Mind you I have to concede it formed my particular character so maybe you have a point.
Bingo. You need to watch yourself with baked beans, kerasene and naked flames you awful eejit. Hurrah you should meet my daughter.
Clodagh.xx
Steve
First thing I said was who is expecting but blog went haywire as usual!!!
Em M. yes they did, they opened with it, sooo good.
Venues in Norwich...
...Brasteds (quite near where you live too) is where we had our wedding reception, really nice.
Oasis in Thorpe St Andrew is always good
Oaklands Hotel
Hog in Armour
Racecourse Inn
Hope this helps?
KWx
Secrets - shmecrets....
where's my dating advice?
jen ewan
xx
Hi there CLP (took me a couple of minutes to work that one out),Been an avid fan since toothbrush days but never tried to contact you before.Loooove the show,never less than very entertaining.I have to agree with other bloggers,you are a Top Bloke.
Right that's the sycophantic stuff out of the way.
I have an idea that you may wish to champion as I think you might have some sympathy with my little whinge.Have you noticed how many people cannot spell? Many of the comments on your blog for instance are well structured, honest and thought provoking but sadly the spelling leaves something to be desired.
It's in all walks of life nowadays,so many people who contribute to our society in so many wonderful ways but seem unable to write their thoughts down in the Queen's ( God Bless Her )english.
Have a word please Chris.
Regards andy-w