DEM GIRLS, DEM GIRLS, DEM DAMN GIRLS !
I say, how the devil goes it this morn. ? How was the period we call the weekend ? Did it serve it鈥檚 purpose or has it left you bereft of something or other ? We had a massive mummy and food weekend, Heston鈥檚 twenty four hour steak, we did it ! And the catsup created from an eighteenth century recipe which involved extracting the juices of a kilo and a half of mushrooms overnight, we did that too ! The process involves placing the mushies in a thin pillow case, covering them in salt and hanging them over a bowl, dangling from an old bootlace tethered to a hole in a beam, after only a minute or two, it鈥檚 drip drip drip for the rest of the day. The result is a ridiculously small amount of a dark brown, almost black liquid, saltier than the saltiest anchovy after he鈥檚 been for a night out on the salt with Harry Saltzman.
So that was a lot of went on at the weekend, there was some swimming and a couple of crosswords and then it was back to London last night for an early start this morning. Having arrived back early evening in plenty of time I thought it might be a good idea to try get to see James Bond again ...
鈥ot again, as in I鈥檝e already seen it and I鈥檇 like to see it again but as in - tried to get to see it again after having not been able to see it at all, having tried several times already..
But alas, I phoned up my local cinema and it was, 鈥渟orry sir but we are sold out again this, Daniel Craig certainly seems to have hit the spot.鈥
So, never one to go against the flow, I heard what the wizards were saying, puffed up the cushions and set myself up for an involuntary night on the sofa with a hot toddy, some comfy clothes and a bar of fruit and nut.
No sooner had I snuggled down at just after eight. I thought to myself, 鈥淲hat was I even thinking; this is bliss, who wants to go out on a Sunday night anyway when you can feel like this?鈥 The wizards, the wizards, all we have to do is listen.
The fruit and nut lasting about twenty five seconds I then turned my attentions to watching the fishing bloke on B.B.C. 2, the guy who went stalking trout thirteen thousand feet up in the Himalayas, he was good, he seemed quite genuine and served as the perfect overture to the mighty Planet Earth and the amazing birds of paradise.
Did you see those guys at work? seriously if you didn鈥檛 you鈥檝e got to try and watch it again, the black guy with the massive blue mouth was unreal and how come all the girl birds in the animal world are so plain compared to the guys and why isn鈥檛 it like that in the human world ? Have the girl birds never heard of Top Shop and the loyalty card system ?
I was thinking how crazy and brilliant it all was and why God bothered to make the inside of plants so beautiful when hardly anything gets to see them and why he gave miniature spiders silk ropes that they could use as life lines when they go hunting and how chimpanzees go about like a highly trained army attacking rivals and then cannibalising them and it all started to do my very small human brain in. Then I got to thinking about the fact that in the animal kingdom the males attract the girls by being the main man and that his can manifest itself in many ways, often a show of strength or superior singing ability. Then I couldn鈥檛 help thinking about Sting and Bruce Springsteen and Jarvis Cocker and Julio Inglesias and Chris Martin and Michael Schumacker and George Best and Thierry Henri and Brad Pitt and Ben |Afflek, they all do the same thing. We call it art of course but one cannot deny it also helps them get the ladies. All of the above have or have had absolutely gorgeous females attached to them unanimously, albeit primarily, as a result of what they do.
There is of course absolutely nothing wrong with this, it just happens to be a fact, good luck to them.
In the end I suppose the human girls are similar to the girls of the animal kingdom, in as much as these boys will so anything they can to get them, they鈥檒l hop about and blither like the most industrious birds of paradise, whereas all girls really know - if they wait long enough a guy will almost definitely turn up and make a fool of himself to gain their favour and attention.
My one enduring thought about last nights programme was when one of these little feathery guys waited literally days for a female to show. Day after day there was no sign of a lady anywhere in the neighbourhood, so do you know what he did ? He spent all his time polishing his branch with a rough leaf so when she did show it would be all nice and shiny. Very sweet and very funny.
I鈥檓 just off to polish my branch now.
x.
Comments
Hi Christophe
A lovely weekend spoilt only by a goal from Preston. Apart from that I had my second go at the golf driving range and I might be hooked. I can hit the ball 80 yards or so (which isn't very far I know) but mostly in a straight line... YIPPPEEEE!!!!
I have to say though, we females of the species are not half as sure as you seem to be that "if they wait long enough a guy will almost definitely turn up and make a fool of himself to gain their favour and attention." personally speaking I'm still waiting. Hey ho! Not to worry I'm quite happy with my little life and in the words of my brilliant Mum ....
"You could spend all your life waiting for Mr Right and then when you think you've found him he'll tell you he's waiting for his Miss Right and you're not her. So go out and have fun girl, life's too short!"
Mange Tout!
Lynda
-x-x-x-
And Chris and all fellow bloggees,
Did you then go to bed with the song "bird of paradise" humming in your head??
Sounds like a great weekend, my tip re. cinema (as an experienced shift worker) go see the film early weekday afternoon or late morning, sometimes you are the only person in the theatre which is quite an amazing experience!!!!
Take care all
Cx
Hi Chris and everyone else,
Great blog - I just wanted to tell you that I am feeling really happy at the moment. So what, you may ask, but I am by nature a glass half empty kind of girl, but these days I keep waking up really early, jumping out of bed and thinking, great, another day is ahead of me, I feel happy to be alive! I know that sounds so corny and yucky but it's true and i have to say, it's partly to do with your show and this blog. Although i still have down times, reading what you and others have to say here has really made me look at things in a different way. I've stopped worrying all the time, and i'm enjoying watching my kids grow and develop as people. Life's not always perfect, but I have lots of lovely people around who I care lots about, and I think I've finally realised that makes me very lucky.
So thankyou for making me see that life's pretty bloody great.
Em xx
Morning Wizard Master,
I too watched the fishing programme with my hubby. I don't think I'd go to all that trouble for a brown trout. Much prefer to fish locally where the atmosphere is normal and you can actually breathe. That poor guy....he sounded like he was hyperventilating and I was over come with the urge to shout "breathe man....breathe!!"
I loved the different colour prayer flags though...they were beautiful weren't they.
As for the male/female attracting....yeah, us girls know that eventually you men will turn up and be clowns performing in the circus of life.
My clown took a while to get here but he was worth waiting for....my circus is complete now.
You didn't save me any fruit and nut.....?? Well it lasted twenty seconds more than it would have done if it was in my sticky mitts.
I was hoping for a James Bond review....but if you can't get in what chance have us mere mortals got??????
Have a good week friend
Must go as my dog is terrorising the postman.
EKR x
Hi chris and all
Tip for the cinema.....sunday mornings !!
Often get the cinema to yourself.
I went to see the lovelly Daniel Craig yesterday morning. very very good Bond. Much more serious and rugged.....and those blue eyes...piercing. A woman's bond i feel. Plenty of action for the male audience. Can't wait for the next one !!!
After that nice sunday lunch at local pub...large glass of merlot. Walk in the woods afterwards.....perfection.
I am a great believer in fate....if you keep waiting with your feathers puffed up and your nest all ready...the right bird (male or female) will find you eventually.
Happy monday all.
Galadriel xxx
good morning friends,
I have no time to write at length at the moment (hurrah, I hear you all cry)....am off to find the human equivalent of the feathery male that has sat patiently making sure all is just pukka for when his lady comes along........: )
laters
Gaby
xx
Hi Chris, great that you tried the 24 hour steak but you don't tell us how it tasted! We plan to try it for Christmas, please tell me it was worth the effort!
Andy in Hove
Mornin Mornin One and All
Christoph luv you as always
Re; Dem Girls Dem Girls.....I am currently waiting for the lovely Ben from X Factor to polish his branch for me!!!! (Oh a girl can dream)
The blog police got me on Friday - so I have cleaned my joke up in the hope it slips underneath the razor wire........
Have a good day everyone
Octopus walks into a bar and says the a guy...I bet I can play any musical instrument! So the guy gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimmy Hendrix......Another bloke says...bet you can't play the piano but the Octopus plays better than Elton John. Then Jock gives him some bagpipes, the Octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused...Jock says... "Ha, can ye nae play it? Octopus says "Play it? I'm going to make love to it as soon as I get its pyjamas off""!!!!!!!!!!
Luv
Mayhem
xx
Good morning bloggers and schlogger,
I had a very nice weekend. My kids went to a gig on Friday night so Mrs B and I went to an all you can eat Chinese restaurant for the first time and I have to say I was full up, not for the first time :-) Saturday I was home (With the dogs) alone as my wife and went to watch the final night of Joseph and his multicoloured jacket for the final night at Weymouth pavilion. They have seen this so many times but love it and had front row seats. Sunday was winter clear up day in our garden and we (as a family) cleared flower beds and raking up leaves, I have to say had a great time working together!
I was supposed to be deep sea fishing today but the weather put pay to that. My favourite fishing trip was in Kenya when I went trout fishing in the Aberdare鈥檚 national park with a guard with a gun and trout that had never see a UK fly so we had easy picking indeed. It was quite scary knowing that whilst you were looking for trout Lions were looking at you and licking their lips!
As for women please do not get me started as there are far too many of them on this blog for me to start on! ;-) So they are all just gorgeous in their own way, yes, yes I know that is too cute but it is just the survival instinct of the male showing through ;-))
Happy Monday everyone!
Keith
X
P.S. a little warning for you all about women who read!
Beware of a woman who reads!
One morning a husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies. "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take
you in and write you a ticket."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman. "But I never touched you!," said the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and
left.
Moral of the story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
Morning all.
Lovely blog as usual Christophe. Em, lovely blog from you too :-).
I had an interesting weekend _ went up to liverpool to see my mum. She's almost blind, so I did all the fiddly jobs she's been saving up for me, then we went Xmas shopping, polished off her Xmas list and then I wrapped all her pressies. I feel quite Christmassy now!!
Have great weeks all.
xxxx
PS I'm a Celeb is still funny, I don't care what you say!!
Chris
A tale of two lunches this weekend.
An absolute smasher just round the corner in Ellens Green on Saturday night followed by a shocker on Sunday. Really, you couldn't conjour up a worse pile of gloopy brown nonsense if you tried.
Two meals (well, one anyway), two 'gyms' and it's Monday again.
Have a super week all.
Peace.
Mange Tout Mange Tout Everyone.
My husband said, it's always easier for girls.
They know what they want ... just fun, good
time, a man whereas Guys just have to stand and look at them and decide if its worth the risk of getting a knock back.
I'm so glad my husband took the risk of a knock back from me....... I wasn't particularly doing anything, just people watching.. and being quite interested in what I was seeing.
But how come if we know what we want, we always wait for men to make the first move???
It's all backwards isn't it!!
Hi Lyndyloo..... Clocked in to your web page.... Nice to see someone who's seen me, got in first this morning.
Have A Nice Day FOlks!
Quelle Surprize
hey chris
well i am still recovering from my weekend, friday was out with work saying good bye to sarah who previously shared my room. She is going to travel the world. I will miss her, the replacement isnt quite the same!
Saturday was my birthday celebrations, I turn 26 tomorrow. It was great, plenty of friends, plenty of food and plenty to drink.
Friday left me with mixed feelings. I felt some felt i was notcapable of doing sarahs job. The fact is I know I am capable, itreally isnt rocketscience, but I can see how they would think that. I have never really cared enough about my job, it isnt what I want to do and itleaves me abit cold, but i have a boyto raise and bills to pay, so it mustbe done while i study. But hearing the doubts about my competence hurt, so hear i am, after cleaning and reorganising my desk,
I seem to be doing everything with a need to prove myself in a job that has no sole while my friends leave to travel the world or new lives in london and paris!
em25x
Happy Monday everyone.
What a lovely weekend! I expected dim, dull and drizzly. But instead I got Crisp, Cold and Sunny.
This weekend we went walking in Sherwood Forest. 4 of us grown people (not grown ups you understand!) running around pretending to be Robin and his merry men (and women). Curse that 麻豆社 1 drama!!!
What's that you say about the male of the species willing to make a fool out of themselves!!! My male was the instigator of the Robin Hood fun (thus being in a position to bagsy being Robin!) - Keep on being fools boys - we really do appreciate it!
Hugs to all
SWx
Hello dear... wow! that's the firs time you've made me laugh out loud via the blog... you're brilliant... have a lovely day & stay cool.XX.
Something that may amuse you all...
I was at a wedding on Friday in the beautiful Peak district. One of the girls on our dinner table was half German, half Spanish (fluent in both) and also pretty fluent in English which made me feel very inferior. However, it was amusing when she read the menu, saw 'Mange Tout' and asked her boyfriend 'what is mango tout' (pronounced as in a ticket tout).
Tres amusing n'est pas?
Morning All,
CIN was fab wasn鈥檛 it ? Exceptional amount of money raised ! Well done to all....
Last night was also fab. I met the wonderful, fantastic, legend that is Richard Curtis. Lovely bloke. Had a chat with him about Comic Relief etc. They wrapped Vicar Of Dibley last night and for those of you that watch it, the Christmas specials are superb!!! We were really really lucky to be shown a sneaky look at the mini show they have recorded for next years Comic Relief too - with the lovely Sting! Very funny....
And my goodness, Dawn French is utterly beautiful in the flesh, and even shorter than me !
Hel Cruse - Totally agree, well, except if I like someone I tend to tell them, lifes too short. All that game playing is such utter nonsense (sometimes) yes, the thrill of the chase and being asked and all the flirtation is nice but sometimes its great just to walk up to a guy and say - you鈥檙e yummy. For whatever reason, be it that he is lush, or funny etc etc or just that he has polished his branch really really well and it shines more than all of the other boy birds ! ....
Oooh Soozy Woo - Talking of Robin Hood. The delectable Richard Armitage was also in attendance last night.... Completely different to his character in Robin Hood but great nonetheless.
Could witter on for hours about boys and rules of attraction etc etc but haven鈥檛 got time and no doubt it would bore you all senseless in the process.
LOADS of work to do today so I`ll leave you all in peace.
Joannie - Thanks :)
Have a wonderful, happy and healthy week one and all.
Tracey-Ann x x
Chris
I'm ever so glad that being the "main man" in the human world doesn't necessarilly preclude you from attracting the best of the best females.
Otherwise, plain old hard up me with no special talent would never have managed to be married to Clare who is the most gorgeous of lairdeez.
Another weekend flashes by, mushrooms in a pillowcase blimey that sounds a long job!
Yes its Monday here at my place of work, its quite a funny place to work. if you check my blog you can read all about it.
Its a brick manufaturing plant at Swillington near Leeds
Afternoon Cristophe and fellow bloggers,
I hope everyone has had a fantstic weekend! How funny that you should mention the male / felmale attraction rituals that go on. I was at my very good friend hen night. Got too see loads of girlies that I havent seen in years.
We used to go out and strut our stuff on a saturday night in the endless hope of catching a goodun! The difference being now we have all caught a goodun and actually got the chance to see how funny it is watching girls trying to impress the boys with their sexy dancing and boys trying to impress the girls with the drinking capability and put downs to their friends.
Not wanting to sound like a kill joy but Im so glad that I dont have to go through the rituals and can actually concentrate on my friends and enjoy their company 100%
Thanks for provoking yet another thought!!
Cheerio :)
Hello Chris
Hello Chaps and Chapettes
Thanks for the blog, Chris 鈥 it has given me something else to think about ( apart from real work) you know, it鈥檚 funny, the male may well polish his branch before he gets the female..but will he carry on polishing once he鈥檚 got her, they have babies and stuff?
In an effort for both of us to keep polishing the branch, my husband and I are doing things together on a Wednesday night ( Orange Wednesday) so hope to go to see James Bond at our local flicks !! will we get in!?
I鈥檒l give you a review on Thursday, if you haven鈥檛 managed by then
I鈥檓 v excited to hear the tombola this week and have been sending positive thoughts to Tom ( the bola) for Galashiels!
les petits pois et laitue saute avec l'ail en beurre
Lots of Love
Caroline
Hi Chris
just to say thanks for yr blogs......i'm writing from Perth in Oz...feeling very down and dont know why? .only been here for four weeks.....feeling very guilty for feeling so down when so many other people have far more reasons to do so. But yr blogs are great...thanks!!
L x
Hiya Chris
You have SOOOOOOO got to come to Somerset for one of your shows!!! Chris on tour eh?
Well I spent last night as a guest of Paul Carrack's at his live concert in Bristol at the Colston Hall and what a living legend the guy is!!
The show was fantastic from start to finish, and he and the band worked so hard -on stage in total for around 2 hours!!
He played all the hits from Ace to Squeeze and Mike & The Mechanics to his solo hits, and man, WHAT A VOICE!
You HAVE to get him on your show Chris!
Ross Hemsworth
Net Talk Radio
The leading Internet Talk Station
me again - haven't found well polished branch man yet - but off out again in just a mo.
Linda #22 ....I don't want any of this to sound flippant or underestimating powerful emotions surrounding 'a move'....but, please try not to worry and try not to analyse WHY you feel low - you are bound to feel the effects of such a change - please try to recognise that the emotional feelings are all just part of that adaptation. Please try to let the feelings wash over you and recognise that they are part of what you are going through to get you to that place where you feel very settled. Please try to recognise the feelings as such and then put them to one side, if you can. I have written this in a bit of a rush because I am late for an appointment - but I just HAD to reply (being an impulsive sagitarrian really does have it's disadvantages!!)
I hope that the fact I have rushed this message in no way means that it has sounded like I don't appreciate what you are going through - quite the contrary - hence my compulsion to reply before the rest of my day took over : )
Gaby
xx
Good day Christophe and the schloggers,
yet another thought-provoking blog.
But remember it's not always just the girlies us dandy blokes want to impress.
This weekend I acted with my heart rather than my head. Sometimes it's just gotta be done! Of course now I've got all my Sunday chores to do I missed out on yesterday. The things we do for love!
I didn't see the fishng prog because for the first time in my life I think I listen more to the radio than watch TV. Mind you last night I did watch the excellent Torchwood.
And can somebody explain why at 11pm on a Sunday evening I suddenly feel wide awake when I know I have to be up for 6am on the Monday.
Have a lovely week
SWs
Cameron
Good afternoon all
So many questions, so little time to reply. I'll get straight down to it, then.
Q: Did I have a good weekend?
A: No. My mother in law was visiting again. I had to explain why I labelled her as a 'kleptomaniac' on the front cover of my book. She says she is planning to protest outside Waterstones in Edinburgh until I get the cover changed.
Q: Why are girl birds so plain?
A: This is a misleading question. We should ask why the men are so colourful. The males have to look good to attract the females. The male birds are not fussy about the appearance of the female because they don't have the burden of developing the offspring, and can just, quite literally hop off one bird and onto the next. The same principle should apply to humans. Why women work so hard at making themselves look good is one of life's little mysteries. If men were free to chase after anything they wanted, women would be freed from the make-up counter for ever!
Q: Why is Jarvis Cocker popular with the ladies?
A: He's got lots of money. Same is true for all the men in your list. It is ostentatious wealth, easily viewed by virtue of these men being in the public arena. Also, I doubt Jarvis & co spend their weekends at home eating steak that has been hung 24 hours, and are therefore free to meet said ladies.
Q: Why do male birds polish their branches?
A: They can't drive.
regards
J McC
Christophe - careful you don't get any splinters whilst polishing your branch!
Had a top weekend down here in Deal, Kent. We had friends to stay and we walked along the seafront in the sunshine both Saturday & Sunday. Had fab meal Sat night and a good old roastie Sunday lunchtime - good food, great company, sunshine and the sea - fantastic! Old Satchmo's "Wonderful World" sums up how I'm feeling right now.
Thought CIN was great and the money raised phenomenal.
Have Monday one and all
Jillygoat xx
Since the topic of the day is birds, this bird is confused about a male bird and this thing called 'love' or 'branch polishing'.
Feel free to advise me here, as I am a bird flying round in circles not knowing which tree to head for.
My male bird dumped me when I went travelling for 10 weeks (he didn鈥檛 want to come) however since I returned he changed his mind and promised to make me happy and loves me etc etc.
There is no other branch polishing male bird in the picture, and the current male bird is still branch polishing for me, although it seems to have been put on hold (again). However if I suggest to him that maybe its time we move on to new species (or just new birds?) he falls apart, can鈥檛 live and tweet without me apparently.
So, is it ok to stay with a bird that you feel is your best friend, you feel close to, but wish there was a bird that knocked you off your feet each day... or do all bird relationships end up with comfort rather than excitement after say...3 years of flying together?
There is the fear that if you attract a new bird that doesn鈥檛 work out and the old bird finally has the branch ready, only to find he sorted it out for someone new, do you end up wishing you hovered around his tree for longer and not gave up on it?
Just reading that back 鈥 I am even more confused putting into bird terms! If anyone gets it and has the inclination to depart some advice, I鈥檓 all ears (or feathers!!)
Em (tweet tweet!) x
Hi Chris,
24 hour steak, overnight mushroom juice extraction, are you a fully paid up memeber of the slow food movement.
I can't believe that in the convenience crazy world we live in, you can't buy the already extracted mushroom juice and a steak that has been pre prepared for 23 hours and you just have to finish it off.
A friend of mine visited from Mexican recently and was shocked you could buy ready made guacamole. Is it us as consumers who ask for more and more convenience or are we force fed it?
Hats off to you Chris for taking the time to prepare what sounds like a delicious meal.
My girlfriend got a chocolate fountain for her birthday this weekend, its fantastic, I highly recommend one for all choc-a-holics.
You don't have to do half as much stick polishing if you give your girlfriend a chocolate fountain.
Chris
Hiya all
An interesting (if lengthy) blog today from Chris, but relevant throughout.
I didn't see any of the programmes that you mentioned but have noticed the plain/pretty split between female and male birds etc before. It's also true of fish - have a look at some of the really attractive ones - they're mostly the male of the species.
Doesn't it work for people - I think it does - it just depends on what the female in question finds attractive. Good looking blokes don't tend to do badly but neither do ones with money - maybe a healthy bank balance is attractive too?
I took my Grandchildren out for Pie Mash and Liquor at the weekend. Some people love it, some people hate it - thankfully my granchildren both love it - so we'll know what to do again in a few weeks time. Or maybe sooner
Here's my daft joke:
A man goes to the doctor and says "I can't pronounce the letters TH or F"
The doctors says "well, you can't say fairer than that!"
Ta Ta
C
o m g - I forgot you were going to scotland..... are you coming to mine for tea?
Can't remember what's on for tonight, but if Si's cooking you'll be okay!
Hi Emily
Great web-site, looks like you had a great time travelling. Now onto your feathery friend....
Did you want him to fly the nest with you on your travels? If you went again would he still not want to join you? Would you be totally lost without this feathery friend or is it something that you have grown used to and therefore it's a comfort? What do you want from an ideal flying partner and does he fit the bill?
I don't have any answers but sometimes questions are just as good.
For now though
Tweet dreams
Lynda
-x-x-x-
Is it just me or is anyone else having slightly unsavoury, though mildly amusing visual images with all this talk of male "branch polishing"?!
Good lunchtime to all (that's got half of Monday out of the way)
Emily,
I understand, your problem, I spent 23 years with the same bird, thought we had mated for life, but in the end he proved to be a useless branch polisher, and hoped off with another woman, but for 2 years he kept popping back to the nest to tell me that it was me that he loved. in the end I had just had enough and chucked his feathers etc. out of the nest.
I have to say at this point I am only 45 and a half, just started birdwatching early!
Now, unknown to me at the time gerogeous guy had spotted me and was I guess doing a spot of branch polishing, but when you've just performed a nest eviction you (or I) was not paying attention.
After several months new bird in the form of Georgeous Guy plucked up the courage to ask me out to dinner, I accepted and he's been knocking me off my perch on a regular basis ever since in the nicest way possible.
So, yes it's scary when you think you still love your original mate esp when they make it difficult and mess with ones little bird sized mind, but you can be bigger than that. Once over the initial shock of empty nest, you'll soon be feeling tons better, and probably surrounded by well polished branches.
Take care
Nicki
x
Hello all :o)
Welcome to a positive Monday, Aren't mondays great, you get to catch up with all the gossip of your work friends, tidy your desk (because Friday afternoons will have been spent on t'interweb) and by then it's lunch time so you can pop out for something to eat. Check your diary (to make sure you're not missing anything) and before you know it it's 2:45 pm and you haven't really done much work at all, and it's not worth starting anything new today, just download the latest Sudoku from the Times website and keep your head down pretending to do some work!
Alternatively you could look round the office for a bird who's stick is really polished and flutter up to it, perching on it attractively waiting for Mr Bird to fall at your feet.
Seems to me quite a few birds that have already paired up for life polish their branches with regularity, just in case a better female comes along.
As for you Emily @ 28, I get it, I really do but you can only do what is right for you. Imagine if you want to migrate south for the winter and your bird partner wants to stay home polishing their branch? Imagine if you want to have chicks and your bird partner would rather stay footloose and fancy free, would he help feed them and tend the nest? Did your male bird stay polishing for you whilst you were off on your travels? or was he secretly polishing for someone else?
Whatever you decide, stick to it, unless it is so obviously the wrong choice whereby you will be entitled to change your mind! Us female birds are fickle creatures!
Bird brain is now frazzled :o)
Jo
PS. Charley not doing great but am feeling less destraught about the whole thing. Que sera sera and all that. (that sounds harsh and unloving but it's not, truely it's not)
Nicki #34, loved your reply to Emily! I too am 45 and a half and am in a similar predicament to Emily - should I stay or should I go?? It is a really scary thought, leaving, but Emily, I SO know where you're coming from with the feeling that this may be as good as it gets and is it really enough???
i have no answers, just lots of empathy for your situation Emily and lots of gratitude for your reply Nicki, cos it's so good to hear a positive outcome to such a scary situation.
xxxxxxxxx
Hey ho! Glad to see you on this Monday fine.
Re: the bird thing...The more we watch relationship dynamics in the animal kingdom the more it lays plain the "dirty little secret" that we humans have ignored or failed to understand. That is, males vy for female attention - not the other way around. That is how it is and always has been. Somehow in our evolved state, we humans have created a revised narrative that it should be the female that should compete for the male's attention (hence the make-up, hair, plastic surgery, etc).
But ladies,, before we indignantly proclaim some grand conspiracy and quote feminist theory, let us remember that for every Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck, there is a Halle Berry and Charlize Theron each with their own bevy of lovely men puffing out their chests. We don't do so badly.
A
Good afternoon blowers and shloggers,
Fun, chirpy entries today and still 5 weeks til Christmas. You know every year I'm amazed when we get to November that Christmas is upon us, like it just sneaked up or somehting. Every year I should have done most things by now and puddings, cakes and onions, not to mention sloe gin, should maturing (maybe not the cake?). As usual, nothing is yet thought of and it will be another frenzied rush. I think we all thrive on that adrenalin tho'.Was having a weekend away in Dorset - Chris you've got to get yourself to Bridport and West Bay - and discussing ambitions. I said I'd like to conquer the Inca Trail and would like to do it next yr. Got back to Epsom yesterday, opened the papers and lo and behold there was an ad inviting us to Trek Machu Picchu and raise money for medical research at the same time. I'm just about to phone up and sign up after blogging here. Soooooooo excited. Chris, you need to get somebody to polish your branch for you, Mr Kazza loves nothing better!
Peace and grosses bises to all,
Kazza xxxx
Hi Christophe and fellow bloggers
Listened to the wizards today. Had pasta and meatballs at pub then a bit of crimbo shopping back to mums for a cup of tea and have now just had a long soak in a bath. Thank you wizards.
x
Great
Afternoon Again
Emily #28 - It seems a classic case - forgive me if it sounds a bit harsh - this male bird may not be sure if he wants you to share his clean branch BUT doesn't want another male moving in either.......and I think that if there was another male bird flashing his brightly coloured feathers at you the existing male would be branch polishing for all he's worth!!!!!!!!!
Remember how it felt when you went travelling, did you give the male bird many thoughts or were you too busy spreading your wings to worry about him........if so then you can afford to wait until the RIGHT wonderfully coloured branch poliser happens to fly in and treats you as you deserve to be treated.....
Right lecture over
Happy Days people
Mayhem
xx
emma #33 ....oh, thank you for saying that, I thought it was just me!!!!! : )
mange tout
Gaby
x
Afternoon all....
Great blog Chris, you always get our grey matter moving in a great way :-)
Jo - sorry hear about charlie, give him hugs from me x
Cath # 36...should I stay or should I go?? I was in the same predicament 8 years ago....branches polished or not - we know deep down just as you know!! It is the scariest thing ever and having lived through it - I would rather be alone and a happy birdy than with another tweet and unhappy!! I have friends who are scared to fly the coop cos the thought of it all is just too much!! Follow your gut - we all know what to do. I am still looking for a new polished branch but have not found it yet but I am sure having fun looking. Life is short...I am healthy, happy and adore my (and have a great relationship with) kids. That is the most important thing!!
As somebody once said -
Follow Your Bliss -
Joannie xxx
Hi Chris
First read of the blog .... excellent. Nice read in the morning.
I live in California and I listern in the morning so you are my breakfast show rather than drive home show. My American friends think you are great too and find it funny they are now listerning to traffic reports about roads they have never heard of and will probably never drive along!
I also listern to you when I am in the UK and missed you the later half of my last visit in Oct/Nov. Hope you will be around for our trip back at Christmas because we love the show.
We also sat at home watching TV last night, no chocolate as the US stuff is not worth the calories and we save the UK stuff for special occasions!
Off to see Bond on Wednesday ...... got tickets on line ....... great way to start the Thanks Giving Holidays.
Keep up the great work .... best show on the radio.
Best wishes to you and all the gang.
xx N
Good early evening everyone
Lovely blog Chris, I too was totally blowm away as usual by PE last night. What a fantastic prog. I felt very sad for the little bird polishing his branch, it was as you say sweet and funny and sort of humbling all at once.
I have mixed feelings about the bit at the end when they show you how the filming is all done, not sure if I want to know, a bit like having the secret to a magic trick revealed. Having said that I felt totally in awe of the guy who waited in his little hide for 105 hours or whatever it was. See girls, there are some guys with major reserves of patience as well as clean branches!
Emily (28), I know you've had lots of advice but I wanted to add mine, having been in a similar situation. Forgive me if I stray from the bird metaphor!
There is a great myth that excitement always fizzles away in relationships after a set amount of time and you just have to live with it (in my view usually peddled to women by lazy men who can't be bothered to polish the branch or puff out their feathers anymore! -oops it slipped in- or worse, peddled by other girls who have found themselves in said boring relationship and don't have sufficient sisterhood to say no, no my friend, don't just settle!!)
This is NOT true. Yes, love changes, yes you get more comfortable with each other, and yes sometimes you drive each other crazy. But the one thing I have learned is that when it's the right person, you just know. (corny but true). And the excitement keeps comin, altho in different guises. Some rules of thumb:
(1) If you aren't sure - he's not the right one! Believe me. (Trust the feeling in your gut).
(2) When you leave, it will really hurt and you will often wonder if you did the right thing. Accept that this will be the case, you will feel a hell of a lot worse before you feel better. You've lost your security, it's normal.
(3) Concentrate on having a fab time with friends and above all with yourself, and when the time is right someone will come along who really 'gets' you. I promise. (you are already way ahead on this front by the sound of it, with the travelling and everything - good for you)
Hope this helps. Oh final bit of advice - don't mistake danger for excitement. I was once with a guy who I adored, he always gave me the funny feelings in my tummy etc., but he also hurt me really badly. You can have someone who gives you The Feelings but also makes you feel safe. I know - I'm marrying him next year!x
Joanna x
PS agree with you Ross about PC - met him once, what a lovely guy and a BRILLIANT voice
PPS Christophe I am loving the Sound of Music, play more songs from it!!!!!
Lovely weekend, the mancub was on top form. My dad cooked delicious tea for me and him in doors and i did some summer holiday shopping in preperation for my holiday later this week.
V difficult buying summer clothes 5 weeks before xmas. Also felt v guilty spending money on us 3 when xmas is looming!
Soozy Woo, so you were the mad fools re-enacting robin and maid marion in the forest. We went for our weekly dog walk there as live just round the corner. Next time i see you i will wave!
xx
PS cant polishing your branch make you go blind?
Hi Christophe
Loved your blog even more than usual today - so observant and funny! We were also transfixed to the Planet Earth programme, especially the insights at the end summarising the many hours the camera man had to lurk in the hide waiting for the male B of P to strutt his stuff.
'I'm a wild one' playing on your show now - great!
It sure is amazing but such a good thing how God has made the inside of some flowers so beautiful when it's rare for others get to see them (and the flowers don't even get to admire themselves in a mirror!) Wow, when you do see it though, it helps you to appreciate things, doesn't it? Just looking at some of the autumn leaves can 'blow you away' when you really look at the range of colours.
Do you suppose a female B of P thinks she looks the same as a male, being as she can't see herself?
Remember Paulo Coelho's story about the 2 firemen who rushed down to the river to wash after dousing a fire. One had a face covered in black smuts, the other had none. Which washed first? It was the one with the clean face because he saw his friend with the dirty face and assumed he looked the same. The other saw his friend's clean face so thought his was clean too.
Me too, feel (even) better about life now that I'm involved with this Blog, and all my blog buddies.
Love and all good things to everyone out there
Jill xx
Emily #28 - best advice give yourself some space to think about what you want and not give in to the emotional blackmail of your branch polishing male!!
I've had an excellant weekend - we found the dog of our dreams at battersea in old windsor. He's a 7 year old lab who came in when his owner died. He's way overweight as she (the owner) didn't excercise him and fed him treats all day long. We have promised to keep him on a strict diet and exercise programme!! Apparently all my friends are convinced I will find the bird of my dreams polishing a branch for me while I'm out walking Jasper!!
I wish I could upload a picture for you he is gorgeous and so laid back.
Big kisses to you all
Catherine
Yeah .... how come it's us girls who have to make the effort to attract the guys? I much prefer the way of the fowl!
I think God made plants, etc beautiful on the inside to remind usthat is where our beauty is, honey!
So ... polishing your branch worked ... you got a snog?! Details, please!
Hugs, Susan, Inverness (which is wild and wet tonight ... the weather ... certainly not me!!)
don't tell me
Chris - can I come and perch on your branch? If you don't ask, you don't get right?
Off for a long soak in the bath with a cuppa
Night x
Bond Film - recommend all those who can't get tickets to come to The Picture House in Uckfield. It gets all the latest films, you can book by phone or on-line, and when you're there you feel like you're at a private showing in the back room of the local pub (that is, if your local is pretty smart).
Great blog Chris. Planet Earth was just amazing - makes me want to get out there and see first hand what I'm missing.
To A Scot in the Medway - I have exactly the same problem. Lights out at 11 - slept for 10 mins then wide awake. Got up at 1am and watched some late night TV - then plumped the cushions and straigtened the rugs. And after Planet Earth, I thought it was the guys that were supposed to do that!!!! Back to bed at 4 and splitting headache at 6. What a way to start the week!
Good week to everyone.
EG(Scotland)
I'll sit on your polished branch if you like Chris!
Emily (28)
Loved the webpage... fantastic adventures.
I don't think you should stay if there is no fizz.
I've been with my cock (that's what male birds are eh? ) for 20 years, and my stomach still flips over when I see him. I love going to bed cause I get to snuggle into him. When I come home from work I go for a cuddle straight away.
Don't get me wrong, is my very best friend, and I'd rather be with him as a friend than not at all, but the fact that I've still got the fizz and the branch polishing (and he does ALL the branch polishing) and my best friend all in one and I'm happy with my lot!
Hel
Hi Chris & one and all
I wondered how long does polishing ones branch normally last? A few seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years?? Is it that the longer the polishing the more likely that they hit the jackpot? My husband took 5 years polishing b4 he realised I had already flown by on more than one occasion and shared a branch as friends in that time. So keep hoping, it does work eventually!
Planet Earth is amazing we saw the last series here in Australia a few weeks back just brilliant viewing.
Linda #22 I am in Perth why so sad. missing home maybe? I know it's hard I still think of home everyday, it is such a fab place to be though, are you staying or just visiting?
Soozy Woo #14 How we loved our walks in Sherwood Forest (from Nottm originally) our fave time out with our dog, was on a crisp sunday morning with light snow on the ground just magical, the trees seem to come alive. Can imagine Robin Hood there, so keep on playing!
Go Pommies go! The ozzies are sad they only have "Ozzie ozzie ozzie oy oy oy" to their repetoire, they have heard the poms have 60 songs and song sheets ready for the ashes clash! hehe Will they ever learn?
Kazz xx
Morning all,
So much branch polishing alluded to on this blog I feel quite distracted ;-)
Mrs B is going on her travels today (a kind of mini migration) to London town to see her sister for a couple of days. I am sure the trip will include some retail therapy to make her plumage look even more gorgeous for me when she gets home, I however will be left at home to polish my branch ready for her return :-)
Have a good day one and all.
Keith
x
Kazz - you must miss Sherwood forest so much! We are talking about getting a dog just so we "look the part"! Mind you - running around pretending to rob the rich really won't help in that mission!!!
Anna - I'll be sure to wave next time! (That is, after I've taken your riches to give to the poor!)
SWx
Hi all
It's the second time I'm reading the blog, and I just needed to react to Emily's comment.
Emily: I know what you're dealing with and nobody can give you the right answers. You will have to find out yourself, there is no book of truth... you just have to trust everything will be allright in the end.
I've recently broken up with my boyfriend after 2 years of doubt (we had been together for almost 5 years): should I stay or should I go? This man was so good to me, he adored me, he looked good, had a good diploma, he had nearly everything, but still I had this vague feeling there could be something better out there. This dilemma was just tearing me apart, and something had to be done. So 3 months ago I tied the knot.
It's not been easy since, in the beginning I felt so free, curious about what life still had in store for me. But then the doubts, the anxiety, the loneliness come filtering through. It's like mourning, it aches a lot. Was this relationship the best I could ever had, will I regret my decision later on, will I never find what I'm looking for, am I too demanding, living in a phantasy world,...? Too many questions, too few answers. I guess I will only know I have made the right decision when I find the guy who can give me what I've been looking for all along. I just have to have the faith, and try to enjoy life in the meantime. But it takes some time.
I can't tell you what you should do, nobody has the answers, but take a decision and stick with it, having doubts is just too tiring, no energy left to enjoy life!
Good luck, you will know in the end.
Katrien
I'd like the women to come to me and woo me and win me. If they are worth it, why then am I not? Does sexual equality mean nothing to us?:)
I know it might be thought..that is against nature..hmmm...but so are cars, and that hasnt stopped their success.
Yours critically of nature, David
btw..Bond excellent..but where was Q?
Hi
To David (60): if women think the same like you do, nothing will ever happen
This way, we're all missing out a lot...
Katrien
To Katrien,
Hi, Good morning (and to thee too Chris, if u r reading this)..and hi indeed to everyone....
Im not entirely sure what you are saying so I'm guessing a bit.
I'm not against men being proactive in the mate finding processes of humanitas, I just would like women to be equally proactive. To be blunt, as u may have guessed, I'm less than adept at 'winning' the ladies, nor do I especially wish to be tutored in the arts of smarm, just to be clear.
See what I mean? Yes i know some women will be man eaters and lead him by the hand to the boudoir but most still feel men should get things going and persuade me, impress me, deserve me etc.
well, i want to be persuaded and impressed too and not only by the sparkle in her eyes or the comeliness of her physical form.
catch me drift?
Hi
To David
This is becoming a rather personal conversation but I just wanted to react one last time.
Sorry for not making myself that clear, I'm not a native...
I understand what you mean, but most women want the same as what most men want, and that's just the problem nowadays. Both sexes are insecure and want to be conquered by the other sex.
In a perfect world, both men and women meet each other and just tell and show what they think without any insecurities, and love each other without being afraid to get hurt. Unfortunately, the world isn't perfect... It would be boring if it was...no?
Katrien
Hi Katrien,
well, yes i agree that both sexes want the same thing, but I disagree that this is a bad thing.
I like the way you describe how it should be. Yes, this is exactly how it should be in a perfect world. Boring? Not for me. I like perfect worlds.
I am rubbish at and basically dont approve of 'the game' that is the hiding of insecuritiues and the projection of fabricated surfaces. This is probably why I am perpetually single (a fate I grow to feel pissed off about less and less).
I think, besides, that love is a multi-colured bird and that you can find love outside of relationships anyway...with friends, family, through art, meditation and spirituality. Obviously, ones physiological needs might require onanistic attention but so I hear onanism doesnt stop inside relationships either!:)
If a relationship comes along that would be nice, as long as it was mutually constructive and enjoyable, but I dont want to play the 'game' to get one. I want to be real. If this sounds sad one must remember the compensating freedoms and possibilities of the single state and the truth in the cliche about the grass often being greener on the other side.
Even though I believe we in the west need to reproduce more, I reckon we can probably survive without my contribution. But dont misunderstand me, I am open to romance, just not deperate and also unwilling to sacrifice my reality to get it. And i cetainly dont presume that others are like me..they dont tend to be.
I dont mind being so personal, principally because we dont know each other and David isnt my real name anyway (though it is a fine name, meaning 'beloved') That is the paradox about blogging. The anonymity can allow an astonishing degree of frankness, dont u find?
all the best
Love
David:)
Hi David
I've had to look up some words, especially the word starting with an o...
Thanks for responding anyway. I think I've been too honest, I even used my real name, how could I know using ones real name is not done in blog world!
Glad to hear you're a happy single! And you're right: The grass is always greener on the other side. We just need to learn to appreciate what we've got.
Being happy as a single depends on various factors though: your age, your past, your friends, your biological clock (only for women, that's so unfair!), your pastime,... Being single again afther having had a relationship is just not that easy...and maybe I'm looking for something that doesn't even exist as I'm expecting too much while the rest of the world population is just happy with what they've got...
Well, that's what I wanted to add. It's a bit odd, communicating with someone I don't know at all! Never done that before!
Katrien
Hi,
well I dont know how common it is to be anonymous..so dont feel bad about not being please..I sometimes am not..but im shy about this issue..
Actually ive always liked talking to strangers..its a perpetual fresh start and you are not limited by the past or their presuppositions.
I think I also believe we are all 'one' anyway so the difference between stanger and someone you know is rather superficial really.
alot of our much beloved 'uniqueness' is mere egotisitcal vanity i find. When people relate from their essence all kinds of correspondences crop up I find between self and the person you speak to and between that other person and others you have known. Hence it can be that you can feel that you've known someone you've just met all your life. This is not so mysterious really, even if it might seem weird.
And lets remember Matt Johnson (of The The)
"How can anyone know me if I dont even know myself"
This referring presumably to the 'ego', the false self - the currency of the maelstrom that is the everyday world.
Great chatting with you katrien and hope you've enjoyed this Chris, if u've read this.
David
Hi there
I often say to guys when they say they don't understand us, women: "How can you, if we don't understand ourselves!"
There's a lot of pretending in our society, people not being themselves, not being honest, pretending (and maybe sometimes believing their own lies) everything is great, fun, and their relationship is the best... I just loath that, because I always try to be honest about my feelings, and at first it seems that I'm the only one having problems, questions,.... But then after a while and people start talking and trust you, you discover they're dealing with the same issues. Look at this blog, people are not that unique as you said.
Blogging anonymously is a good way to bring across your feelings but as I've said already, I don't really mind being honest, not in real life either. Of course, people can hurt me more easily, but that's worth it because I get a lot of real and personal reactions as well.
Do you think that Chris is reading this OLD blog?
Katrien
Well, it says when I post my entry here that the 'author' has to approve them. I can only presume this is Chris, since it's his blog. That said he may be a very busy bumblebee and so have appointed someone else to scan for obscenities and/or abusive comments. At least we can presume these our comments are welcome in any case since they have been permitted.
Cant agree with you more about the fakery. The film 'matrix' gets its spot on, except that we are not entombed by malevolent machines but only by ourselves. I imagine a major basis of this artificiality is two-fold...a) the presumption that he/she wont love me unless I conform to some abstract, external idea of how i should be and b) the idea that one cannot get a decent job unless you 'sell' yourself', pay v.detailed attentions to your image, and not reveal anything about yourself which is real if it is potentially compromising.
The problems with human inauthenticity are systematic and profound and there are no easy solutions. Actually, sometimes I do think one should conceal ones feelings ..i.e if they are v.negative and destructive, out of concern for others (and not only so as not to be dull). But that there is a time for concealment doesnt mean we should conceal ourselves always- except that is to friends, family and lovers, under that kind of a glossy, forced smileyness which you mention.
The jury may be out on what motivates us the most - love (or sex at least) or money but they are both v.powerful motivators we can be sure.
Ok, I'm persuaded..Im actually Jonathan (but sometimes I wish I had been called David, as I love the name)
Hi David
Or shall I call you Jonathan?
Having added your website you're suddenly not that anonymous anymore. You must have put a lot of effort in that website!
I must admit, I always have to reread your sentences...it's a good exercise for my reading skills though! Thanks! My sentences are a bit easier I guess. But I don't mind... my Dutch is better.
Of course, we need to sell ourselves on some occasions, workwise indeed, but we just need to find a balance!
Love and sex being strong motivators...I totally agree!
Are you a regular visitor of Chris' blog? Do you listen to his show regularly?
Greets
Katrien
Hi,
My sentences yes are complex but I feel I have to do justice to what feels like the complexity of my thoughts..and while this might be served through shorter sentences, it may require me to write more.
Maybe an unusual position but I dont like the idea of people 'selling themselves' since it implies then that people are commodities to be 'bought' and I dont think that people are objects. They are ends in themselves, not means to our own ends- as the philosopher Immanuel Kant says.
This doesnt mean we shouldnt show off our best qualities and delight in any excellence we can muster. It just means that this is best done for its own sake, not in order to achieve an ulteioir end (i.e the expansion of our own power or our power over and aginst others) or so one can then become the property of another who buys us for money or sex.
I realise this is a very idealistic position and one must no doubt compromise in reality (i.e to get a job)..but its important to have ideals I think. Otherwise there can be no goal or aspiration, or no higher sense of how things might be. And being true to yourself is vital I think. After all, if you are bought for being something you are not, there may be disappointing repercussions down the way.
I listen sometimes but am often away from a computer when he's on. He's great though of course. I was especially fond of his TGI Friday er.
Jonathan
p.s. thanks for checking the blog
I meant TFI Friday of course:)