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'I tired to help her.' She stumbled over the words so helplessly. 'I guess she didn't want help.' She looked up at me with her cheeks stained with tears. There was something else in those deep sorrowful eyes. Anger. Resentment. It hurt me so much, I had to turn away. 'I guess it wasn't really her fault though. All it takes is one trip. For Macy, it was just one coke laced with a hardly harmful amount of LSD, and she just couldn't quench the ever lasting hunger that came after' after' Maybe she didn't know what a mess she would leave behind. Maybe she didn't even know what a mess she was in.'
How, I thought to myself, can the world be so bitter? How can it turn such a loving caring teenager into one of anger, and addiction? How can it hurt this little girl so badly? She's only ten. How can this be happening'?
Remy's next words brought me out of my reservoir, and threw me back into the terrible truth.
'It's all my fault, I should have made her stop, and I could have! Why didn't I?' Her voice was pained, she was suffering.
'IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!' my voice was too harsh, I was freighting her. But I couldn't stop, not now. I was crying, sobbing uncontrollably. Guilt pulsed through me, and I soon had no control over me. 'DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, DO YOU HEAR ME!' Her head was turned from me, her small hands pressed over her ears, trying to block out my screaming. 'IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, it wasn't your fault'' my voice faded out, and the same sentence escaped from my lips over and over. My grip on Remy loosened, and she scurried away from me. I let my arms fall helplessly in my lap.
'It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault'' the words continued to escape from my lips, almost soundlessly, long after Remy left. It wasn't her fault, of course it wasn't. She's only ten. It was my fault. I let Macy, my best friend die. I let her become so addicted to drugs that there was just no helping her. After all, I was the one who convinced her to come to that party with me. I was the one who left her in a room full of stoners and pot heads to go make out with some random guy. It was all my fault. There is no way of escaping that.