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The front door slams. No! It can't be! I creep to the top of the stairs and peer down. It is. It's him. The drum in my chest beats fiercely and I find myself flying towards the bedroom door. I'm in the secret cupboard in a second. My breathing is erratic and I'm shaking so hard I think I'm going to faint. I thought last time had been the final time but he's here again. Everytime he comes, he searches the entire house and each time he finds another of my hiding places. Maybe this time he'll find the one I'm hiding in. I push my eye to the crack in the floorboards. There he is, pushing over chairs, upending the table, pulling open the cupboards. The look on his face makes my blood freeze over. I know what it reminds me of. A savage hunting dog, searching for its prey. Searching for me. He lets out a piercing, penetrating scream before turning out the room, out of sight. His drumming footsteps beat up the stairs. My bedroom is the first door you come to. Sure enough, the door bangs open and I can hear his heavy breathing as he paces around the room.
'Come out poppet! Come out now, I'm not gonna hurt you!' his deep, grazing voice travels to me.
He isn't worried about me knowing he's there. Maybe he just knows that one day he'll find me. Maybe I know that too. I can't see him but I can hear and I know what's happening. Books fly to the floor, my desk is overturned and the mattress on my bed ripped to shreds.
'I'll find you one day, won't I,' he croons, 'One day I'll find all you're little hiding places and there where will you go?'
I hear his footsteps approaching the door to cupboard and I suddenly realise I'm holding my breath. I have to let it out but he'll definitely hear that. The world is beginning to spin around me and I know I have to take a breath soon.
'It's too late now poppet,' I hear his voice from a million miles under the sea.
The door to the cupboard flies open and I breathe out a long shuddering breath.

'It's alright darling, I've got you. Just a bad dream, we're just going to put you back to sleep. Doesn't tense up, there's a good girl.' A soothing voice calls out of the blur, which is all that I can see,
Yes, I can rest when I sleep. I must go to sleep.
NO!
It's when I'm sleeping, he comes. The man with the blond hair. And when he's there I can't remember anything before. I mustn't go back to sleep.
'No!' I mummer but the soothing voice will not listen.
'You have to sleep now poppet, now just-'
'Not poppet!' I scream, and I can see now. I'm lying in a hospital bed and the soothing voice is a nurse. How did I get here? Why am I here? I can see the needle coming closer and closer but I can't go back to sleep. I mustn't ever sleep because I know what happens now. And I have to make sure it never happens again. Never. I squirm and wriggle away from the oncoming point.
'Please!' I scream, 'Please no!'
And the sharp point is retreating. I'm not going to have to ever see his face again. I'm safe.
'Now then misses, what are we going to do with you?'

Doctor Clondalkin sits beside my bed looking over his half-moon glasses at me with great annoyance.
'So the reason you will not sleep, is that you have bad dreams? I mean they're only dreams. Nightmares. Nothing serious that could actually hurt you. What's there to be scared of?' His patronising tone annoys me even more.
'Because when I'm dreaming it I can't remember anything from before. I just remember me in that house with that man and everything else is wiped from my brain. And I think it's real and then I wake up. That's the worst part because I know what's going to happen next. I've just escaped him and now it's going to happen all over again and I can't do anything about it! Can't you understand doctor? Can't you see how hard and terrifying it is?'
He looks at me as if I'm some tiny spider trying to tell him my life story.
'Doesn't anyone understand?' I scream, 'None of you get it. I'm just so scared that anytime now I'm going to be back there, in that house and he's going to find me. Doesn't anyone know how I feel?' Tears begin to pour down my face and I shove my head in my pillow, weeping. Ever since I remembered why I'm in hospital I've felt like braking down and sobbing but I've had countless doctors, nurses, therapists and other professor people in to see me and now it's just too much.
I can feel the soft hands of Tracey around me but there're only one person's arms I want to hold me tight now.
'Oh mum,' I whisper into Tracey's wet shoulder, 'How can you have done this to me? You said you'd always be there. Where are you now? Where are you when I need you the most?'