Whether we realise it or not, we are surrounded by expectations and unspoken rules.
Some of them are linked to gender stereotypes (鈥淭hat鈥檚 not a job for men!鈥), some are linked to where you come from (鈥淪omeone from your estate becoming a lawyer? Never!鈥). Families and communities can sometimes have very strong views on what we should be, and what鈥檚 鈥榥ormal鈥 or 鈥榓cceptable鈥.
Add this to the stress you might be feeling ahead of a big decision, and it can create quite a powerful mix. We鈥檝e asked our coaches how they found what worked for them.
In this short film, our coaches talk about how they forged their own path.
"I know that family, friends, parents, teachers, anyone around a young person is gonna have an influence on them. And if someone tells you, 'Oh, I don't think you should do that,' or, 'You might not be good at that,' or, 'You might be more suited to this,' then people tend to follow that. But if you鈥檝e got your mind set on something, then go for it. It鈥檚 not even all about the academic side of things."
"Obviously, use the support systems around you, that鈥檚 what they鈥檙e there for. At the end of the day, it鈥檚 your decision."
"It鈥檚 you doing the course, you鈥檙e the one that鈥檚 gonna have to sit and do all the revision. You鈥檙e the one that鈥檚 gonna have to sit through all the lessons, the exam."
"My father, being quite a successful musician, always expected me to go down to music. And I think everyone that I met across my young life did, too."
"You know, on paper, because of my socioeconomic background, I can鈥檛 do medicine, because medicine is dominated with people from, you know, upper class and educated backgrounds."
"STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics. A lot of young girls are being put off a career in STEM. There was myself and it鈥檚 actually my best friend at school really wanted to go into engineering, so we saw this opportunity come up, and we were like, 'Wow, let鈥檚 go for it.' And it was just us two that applied. So, they saw that as a lack of student interest, and the course couldn鈥檛 go ahead. So, that, kind of, made it quite tricky from the start to try and follow what I wanted to do."
"I always wanted to be something of my own. So, I found that and I know that I wanna go into literature or politics. So, I found a course of English Literature and Politics."
"I guess one of the best learning experiences that I had was my first job out of university, which was door-to-door sales, and I was working 60-hour weeks. Meeting all those different people and getting all those different perspectives was key and it was a really great experience for me."
"Have a role model so, you know, celebrity role model, whether it鈥檚 your father or whether it鈥檚 a friend, but someone who you can, you know, apply their characteristics or look up to their characteristics to yourself."
"Don鈥檛 build a future that you鈥檙e not happy with and you鈥檙e not gonna be able to stay with it for the rest of your life. If you just go with something to please your parents, eventually, you鈥檙e gonna get fed up and think, 'Why am I doing this when I 诲辞苍鈥檛 even like it?'"
"The main thing that people normally say to me when they ask me what I do and I say I鈥檓 an engineer, they鈥檙e like, 'Oh, you 诲辞苍鈥檛 look like an engineer.' I just say, 'What does an engineer look like?'"
Finding what works for you
- Figuring out what you want to do can seem daunting, but you can start with baby steps: is there something you definitely 诲辞苍鈥檛 want to do? Is there an area you鈥檙e interested in that you could explore more?
- Do you think your choice might have been influenced by external factors, for example things your parents or teachers said to you from an early age? If so, can you challenge those thoughts?
- Ultimately, you鈥檙e the one who has to take the course, do the exams and turn up at work every day. If you鈥檙e doing it because someone else wants you to, you鈥檒l probably suffer!
- If you鈥檝e decided to go against all advice and recommendations, that conversation might be difficult, so think of the impact it will have on your family. Showing them that you鈥檝e thought your options through and have a plan is a good way to help them understand and accept your decision.
Setting realistic goals. video
How to achieve while still stretching yourself.
Our Mind Set experts talk through the different options available.
Apprenticeships and work
The Mind Set coaches explain what doing an apprenticeship or starting work was like for them.
